The Theory
by quirky cricket
Summary: Dorothy Ann realizes that another force is at play in her and her friends' lives - and her friends' reactions range from shrugging it off to determination to prove her wrong. As the friends graduate from high school and go their separate ways, the theory is put to the test - is it true? Takes place over at least 10 years. Rated T for language and situations.
1. prologue: the perfect class

**prologue: the perfect class**

**June 1997  
****Walker Elementary  
****Walkerville, PA**

No matter what happened, Valerie Frizzle knew she'd never have a class like _that class_. She'd watched the eight of them graduate from Walker Elementary last spring. As she suspected, they were all still close, despite never all being in the same class ever again.

The fall of 1992 had brought her a perfect opportunity to test the limits of her ability with her teaching: an unusually small class. In regular-sized classes, she had to limit herself to one or two field trips a year, or else the kids would talk. She'd lose her job, and she'd put anything on the line to keep it.

So when she had only eight kids in her class in 1992, she knew she had something special. After a month or so, she felt she could trust them. Some had wild imaginations which would make adults doubt their unbelievable stories. What she hadn't expected was the tacit acceptance that the weekly – sometimes multiple times a week – field trips were kept secret. None of them told their parents or siblings. Any friendships they had outside the class disintegrated and their bonds with each other grew tighter with every trip. Even the inevitable squabbles between the kids usually ended with deeper friendships formed. It was truly remarkable.

As they moved on to fourth grade, Ms. Frizzle knew she could never have a year like that again. Eight very different kids remained friends over the years. Despite all the odds, they seemed to grow closer over the years instead of drifting apart like normal children did. Even though they were in different classes, they found each other at lunch and recess. They walked home in groups together. They came to school together. She knew that she could never repeat that school year.

One class of kids who all become best friends is an anomaly. Two is a pattern. Ms. Frizzle couldn't afford for there to be a pattern. Patterns meant questions, and once questions started being asked, the truth was bound to come out. The truth was too weird and complicated to explain, so she was forced to use more traditional teaching methods.

Eventually she had to limit herself to in-class demonstrations. Those were easy enough to dismiss as kids' exaggerations. As her class – the only class where she was able to be herself as she'd like to be – went to middle school, she knew it was time to move on. She taught at Walker Elementary one last time – Wanda Li's younger brother was in her class – before taking Liz and the bus and leaving Pennsylvania for good. If anyone asked questions about the class, she wasn't going to be around to answer them.

* * *

**author's note:**

Pieces of this story have been kicking around my mind for years, and some of them have made it into my other stories, so please forgive me my old tropes. In this fic, Ralphie will be obsessed with baseball, Carlos always orders Diet Coke, Phoebe drives an old van with wood paneling, and Wanda will try to take the whole system down. If you've read my stuff and think you know how this ends, well… you'll just have to see.

This is the only chapter we're going to have in the 90s. The rest of the fic will focus on the kids, so don't get too excited about seeing the Friz again, because… well, I shouldn't rule it out, should I?

Coming up – DA formulates the theory. The gang reacts!


	2. the birth of an idea

**chapter 1: the birth of an idea**

**Fall 2001  
****Walkerville High School  
****Walkerville, PA**

Dorothy Ann was ever so slightly ashamed of herself. She'd argued with Keesha that the social sciences weren't real science, not like physics or biology. She only took AP Psychology at Keesha's insistence.

DA had gone into senior year of high school with every intention of bulldozing general credits in college so she could get right down to her major – chemistry. She wasn't entirely sure what she'd do with it yet; maybe she'd go into research or academia.

Yet here she was, engrossed in her psychology notes when she had an epiphany somewhere between post-traumatic stress and Stockholm Syndrome.

She gasped and flipped to a blank page in her notebook, then started writing.

"What?" Keesha whispered, confused. They were supposed to be watching a video about fainting goats. It was actually pretty funny, but DA was scribbling some manifesto down like her life depended on it. Every now and then she'd stop, her eyes would widen, and she'd write more. "WHAT?" Keesha hissed.

"Tell you later." DA didn't look up.

Keesha looked over at Phoebe and shrugged. The three girls had psychology together with Ralphie, who was engrossed in the hilarious fainting goats video, as one would expect from Ralphie.

After the bell rang, DA closed her notebook quickly before Keesha could see.

"What was that?" Keesha asked.

"A theory I'm developing."

"Theory?" Ralphie asked. "Is this like your McDonald's theory?"

DA glared at him. She'd done in-depth research on the accuracy of fast food restaurants' orders. She'd thoroughly tested all the restaurants around town and had identified a McDonald's on the west side as being the most reliably correct with finicky orders and correct change. Her in-depth testing had meant that she had to meticulously check her order and change at each restaurant she visited. She'd posited that McDonald's was more accurate than any other restaurant in town, and had been correct. Only the best would do for DA, now that she knew what the best was. She'd make a point of driving all the way across town to go to that particular McDonald's, much to the rest of her friends' chagrin. Every now and then one of the guys would suggest that she repeat the experiment.

DA wasn't ready to present the theory yet. It was still just an idea. "This theory is – bigger. And it's not ready yet."

"Bigger how?" Phoebe asked.

"Does the fate of the world hinge on your theory being right?" Keesha wondered skeptically.

"Not quite." DA pressed her lips together. "But almost." She said softly.

* * *

**Three weeks later**

DA had gathered the group together in the park across from Walker Elementary. She'd arrived early and couldn't help but notice the old bus was gone. She sat at a picnic table, and her friends gathered around.

"What are we doing here?" Arnold asked. "Isn't it a bit chilly for a picnic?"

It was a crisp and blustery day. Carlos, who hated the cold, was wearing a winter coat already. He sat down and scooted right next to DA, who rolled her eyes. Keesha sat on the other side of her.

"I have to tell you guys this." DA said. "Sit down."

DA was often serious, but she was rarely this serious.

"Are you dying? You're never this serious unless someone is dying." Tim wondered.

"I'm not dying. No one's dying." DA tried to sound patient, but it didn't work.

"Technically, we're all dying." Tim trailed off.

"Thank you for that cheerful reminder, Mr. Sunshine." Carlos remarked. Phoebe smiled at Tim in a weak attempt at reassurance. Arnold took her hand underneath the table and squeezed. They'd been dating since the middle of junior year. Carlos saw and rolled his eyes, having given up on love since DA broke up with him ("for good this time!") in June. Wanda folded her arms, waiting to hear what the terrible news was before reacting. Keesha and Ralphie looked at each other across the table, but not for too long before Ralphie looked away.

DA took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "I have a theory."

"Is this what you were writing in psych that day?" Keesha asked.

"Hold your questions, please – and there _will_ be questions." DA had carefully planned how this would go. She'd written down her main points on a piece of paper. She wasn't worried about Carlos looking – she'd written especially small and Carlos was somewhat nearsighted, but too proud to admit that he may need glasses. She was quiet again and looked around, trying to savor this last moment before she turned her friends' worlds upside down.

"Have you ever wondered why we're even friends?"

"Yes." Wanda replied quickly.

DA took a deep breath. "Okay, the questions I'm about to ask you are rhetorical. Do you even know what a rhetorical question is?"

"Do I?" Arnold asked. The rest of the group laughed. Ralphie nodded his approval to Arnold, who tipped his head toward Ralphie.

"Anyway." DA continued. She glanced down at the paper she had in front of her.

"You wrote down your speech?" Carlos asked. "Can I see?"

"JUST LET ME TALK." DA hadn't counted on how easily distractible her friends would be. This was an oversight, she admitted.

"Fine." Carlos held up his hands and leaned away from DA, pushing Tim even closer to the edge of the bench. Tim scooted back into Carlos in reaction.

"Okay… I'm sure you've all wondered why we're even friends. We're so different – we want different things out of life. The only thing we have in common is, well…" she looked over Wanda's shoulder at the elementary school. "… and we don't really talk about it."

Wanda wanted to argue. DA could see it on her face.

"Do you know the probability of any of us still being friends? It's pretty low. For all of us being friends? Practically zero." She continued. "And for us to start dating," she looked quickly at Carlos before settling her gaze on Phoebe and Arnold, "is pretty normal, actually, but for us to remain friends through breakups is very odd."

Wanda wanted to say something again, but settled for clenching her teeth together.

"So the question is why."

"The field trips." Wanda answered. DA glared at her again, but Keesha laughed that Wanda had discovered DA's complicated theory. Wanda wasn't as dumb as she looked, but she didn't place the emphasis on intellect and theorizing that DA did.

"Exactly." DA continued. She had to regain control. It was better than starting over. "We've all experienced something major together – something that could even be described as traumatic, and something none of us ever talked about to anyone not around this table, right?"

"Our parents knew we were going on field trips." Tim said. "They just didn't know... exactly what happened."

"Exactly." DA said. "We always went 'to the planetarium' or 'took cooking lessons' - we never told them the parts about shrinking and being in ovens and volcanoes and stuff. No one knows about what _really_ happened."

She'd expected an argument, but her friends remained quiet for a moment before Carlos spoke up. "Mikey knows. So does Janet."

"They were a part of the experience, even in a small way." DA conceded. "But did anyone tell their parents about everything?"

"I told my mom something when I got sick." Ralphie admitted. "She thought it was a fever dream."

"Okay, but no one except Ralphie said anything?" DA asked. "Not even you, Arnold?"

"Why 'not even me'?" Arnold demanded.

"You hated the field trips." Tim explained before DA could. "Didn't you ask your parents if you could stay home? Did you fake sick?"

"After what happened when Ralphie stayed home sick? No way." Arnold dropped Phoebe's hand and folded his arms. "I didn't want you guys running around in my nose."

"We were in your colon, Arnold." Tim shuddered.

"Don't remind me." Ralphie groaned.

"I couldn't smell you in my colon." Arnold explained. "I'd probably be able to smell you if you were in my nose." It was weird to be talking about this. Arnold got a pit in his stomach, even though he knew it should be safe with his friends. He just couldn't be sure no one else was listening. If they overheard him say some of these things, they'd think he was crazy.

DA was staring pointedly at the guys. She wanted to get this back on track. "So, I did some research."

"Because that's what you do." Carlos interjected.

"How many field trips did the class before us take?" She asked.

"How are we supposed to know?" Wanda asked.

"Guess." DA challenged.

"Didn't we know some kid that was in that class?" Arnold thought back. "You knew him too, Wanda."

"Oh!" Wanda remembered. "Yeah, the kid with the freckles. What was his name? Wasn't he hairy?"

"Harry Arm?" DA smirked. She loved the satisfaction that came with doing her research. "His class went on two field trips."

"The whole year?" Phoebe asked.

"The whole year." DA echoed. "And Carlos, Mikey was in the year after us, right?"

"Two years after." Carlos said. "One field trip."

"So Ms. Frizzle gets this freakishly small class of kids - and it's weird that we're from all over the place – Phoebe, where did you move from?"

"Boston." Phoebe explained. "We moved here after my mom died."

"Didn't you learn metric in your old school?" DA asked. "I thought you were from Canada."

"My old school was run by these people that were convinced that the US would adopt the metric system if they could only convince enough people to adopt it." Phoebe shrugged. "They were trying to get our whole town to go metric, but it never worked."

"They tried to get Boston to go metric?" Arnold wondered. "I think that's why DA thought you were Canadian."

"My old school was in Walkerville, remember? But my dad's French Canadian." Phoebe explained.

"I was born in Georgia," Tim offered.

"South Philly is still around here." Ralphie clarified when DA stared at him.

"And so's New York," Keesha looked at Arnold.

"Brooklyn," Arnold clarified. "And I don't remember anything about living there."

"And I'm from Minnesota. Wanda, Keesha, and Carlos were born in Walkerville, but for most of the class to come from outside the town is weird. Why were all of us in the same class? Why were we _the entire class_? A class of eight is unheard of. Why didn't our parents say anything?" DA continued before anyone could answer any of her questions. "I don't know that it was fated that we come together. That's not the theory."

"You still haven't got to the theory yet?" Keesha asked. "Is this what you were writing in psych – your overly dramatic introductory speech?"

"No." DA snapped.

"Out with it." Tim urged.

DA took a deep breath and looked around at her friends again. This time it was for real – the moment before her friends knew the theory. She wanted to memorize their faces this way – so innocent and unknowing and, if she was honest, irritated and cold.

"My theory is that because of Ms. Frizzle's class, we'll never make really deep friendships outside this group, because eventually third grade will come up and none of us will tell the truth about what happened. We just can't. We'll look crazy."

"Or Ms. Frizzle goes to jail." Phoebe said softly.

"_And_ we look crazy." Ralphie added. Several people nodded.

"She moved away five years ago. No one knows where she moved. Did you know that?" DA asked before getting back to her train of thought. "My theory is that we're incapable of having emotionally intimate relationships outside of this group."

"Are you saying I can't make friends?" Carlos demanded. "I make tons of friends. I'm friends with lots of guys on the football team!"

"But how good of friends are they? When they ask you the weirdest thing that's happened to you, you say…" DA prompted.

Carlos paused. "I would tell them that –"

"But you won't tell them the truth, because 'I watched Ralphie spin around in circles when he hit a home run on a baseball field without friction – that happened to be inside a book' sounds insane." DA said. "And eventually, things come out. Something happens that reminds you of something else that happened, so you talk about it. For example, if we talk about going to Adventure Park, that reminds me of the time we went in middle school and Ralphie threw up on the roller coaster, and the time Wanda wanted to take Arnold on –"

"The wildest, scariest, best scream-your-lungs-out ride in the world!" Wanda recited. "The ride of my dreams."

"And there you have it." DA said. "Imagine a relationship with someone that you can tell everything to – except possibly some of the most important things that ever happened to you."

She let that sink in before moving on to what she found the single most interesting part of the theory.

"You know what this means?" She asked.

"We all have to stay friends." Tim raised his eyebrows. "I think we all figured out that we stayed friends because of Ms. Frizzle's class."

"It's actually kind of obvious." Ralphie added.

"That's only the beginning." DA lowered her voice.

"What's the rest of it?" Wanda asked, leaning in to hear.

"I don't think any romantic relationship outside this group will be successful." There it was. DA looked back at her friends' faces to see what they looked like with their minds blown.

They looked about the same - still cold, only less irritated and more confused as it sunk in.

"You mean… we're all going to marry each other?" Phoebe asked.

"Or stay single." DA nodded.

"What if Arnold and Ralphie are gay?" Carlos asked. "Then some of the girls would have to be gay to balance it out. Which of you are gay?" He looked at each of the girls.

"Sorry, Carlos, but I'm not gay." Arnold had explained this to Carlos before. He and Ralphie were just close, that was all.

"I don't get how one year in elementary school could decide our entire adult lives." Keesha shook her head. "You do know that we're all about to go to college, right?"

"It's the perfect way to test the theory." DA smiled. "We've been isolated in our small town."

"We're half an hour from a huge city." Tim said. "We're not 'isolated.'"

"But it's been easier for us to stay within our group of friends. We're not all going to the same college."

"We are." Ralphie pointed at Arnold.

"Because you love each other." Carlos added. "Sorry, Phoebe."

Phoebe glared at Carlos.

"You're just jealous I got to him first." Ralphie snarked.

"Does anyone find this as fascinating and serious as I do?" DA wondered loudly.

Keesha raised her eyebrows. Phoebe looked around sheepishly. Arnold shrugged, and looked at Ralphie, who did the same. Carlos was deep in thought, trying to figure out something else he could say. Tim looked slightly relieved that he'd have friends. Wanda looked agitated.

"I'm going to college in California." Wanda said. "We'll see how your 'theory' holds up then."

"So we shall." DA smiled.

* * *

**author's note**: of course I don't own McDonald's or the fainting goats video, which is real. There are also several references to MSB episodes here. Have fun identifying them.

Next up, the gang goes to prom. Hilarity ensues.


	3. the gang goes to prom

**author's note: **you may want to sit down, this is a long one. Go ahead and put some sappy love songs on for ambience. Why haven't I sent the gang to prom before?

* * *

**chapter 2: the gang goes to prom  
**

**March 23, 2002  
****DA's House  
****Walkerville, PA**

"Is it dumb if I wear my hair up on the top of my head? Is it too early 90s?" Keesha asked, staring at herself in the mirror and holding a fistful of her hair on the top of her head. She had a long, graceful neck and planned on wearing gold earrings, but she wasn't sure that the highest of up-dos wouldn't trigger childhood memories in her date. The last thing she needed was to get in a shouting match with Ralphie at the prom. She'd rather him notice how grown up her strapless purple gown made her look.

"I think it looks great," Phoebe reassured her and grabbed some bobby pins. She was wearing a long forest green dress with transparent sleeves and a flowy skirt. Her hair was curled and pinned on top of her head with some loose strands.

"I always wore it up high as a kid though," Keesha tried moving her curly hair lower on her head. "I don't want to look like a kid."

"Too much eyeliner?" Wanda asked. She was wearing a bright blue dress that showed off her arms, which were toned from playing softball. They were her favorite feature of hers, and she didn't want Carlos to think he could try anything without her beating him up. Next to Phoebe's noodley runner arms, Wanda looked ripped. Wanda made a mental note to stay close to Phoebe as much as possible.

"Dear God, yes." DA gasped, looking at Wanda's eyes, which were laden with black and silver makeup. "You look like a raccoon."

"Who got punched in the face." Keesha added before turning back to her reflection in the mirror. She was a bit wary of having Wanda do her makeup after how she'd looked at Homecoming this last fall. "Maybe I'll leave it down."

"No, wear it up." Phoebe urged. "You could wear it like mine and see if anyone noticed." Keesha smiled at the idea. She and Phoebe were very close, and had a habit of doing the same thing when they were uncomfortable. Somehow knowing that someone else was doing the same thing made scary things more bearable.

"Okay, have at it." Keesha said.

"Are you sure you want her doing your hair?" Wanda asked. "She did mine for Homecoming this year, remember?"

"I know what went wrong and it won't happen again." Phoebe said tersely, remembering that Wanda's elaborate updo had spontaneously fallen apart during the first slow dance at Homecoming, showering bobby pins all over Ralphie. "Besides, your hair is all straight and soft. It wouldn't stay put."

"Sure, blame my hair." Wanda smirked as she wiped off her layers of eye makeup. "You have straight hair, you should know how to work it."

"My hair is thicker." Phoebe said, focusing her attention on pinning Keesha's hair in the best elegant updo she could manage. "It does what I want a little better."

"Well my hair worked for DA," Wanda had half of her hair twisted back from her face in rows, embellished with some fancy clips. The rest of her hair had a soft curl to it, thanks to more hair product than she wore in her hair over the course of a year. Wanda's hair was shoulder-length – long enough to pull it all back into a ponytail so she wouldn't have to think about it. DA's long hair was pulled half up in three masses of curls crowning her head, with many long curls hanging down her back. She'd decided to wear a sleeveless pink dress with a fluffy skirt. She felt incredibly feminine and gorgeous. This time she invested in double-sided tape, after her dress malfunction at Homecoming when she'd jumped around during "(I've Had) The Time of My Life."

"Ladies, we look stunning." Keesha beamed as Phoebe coated her hair with a thick coat of hairspray.

"Put some glitter on your chest," DA handed Keesha a compact of glitter and a brush.

"Not you, Phoebe – you don't want to draw attention to your flaws." Wanda joked.

"Just keep scrubbing your eyes. We can't have your face looking weird." Phoebe was half-irritated and half-amused. She couldn't stay mad at Wanda. They had a bizarre understanding.

Finally they were nearly ready to go. They'd zipped each other into their dresses, applied perfume strategically, smoothed out wrinkled fabric, pinned and sprayed rogue strands of hair, and teetered on the highest heels they'd probably ever wear.

"Senior prom is a big deal." Phoebe said, putting the finishing touches on Keesha's hair. "This is probably our last formal dance all together."

"Colleges have homecoming, don't they?" Wanda asked, not ready to face anything that was "the last thing we have together."

"It doesn't help that no one's staying here and going to Walker State. We're pretty much all going to different colleges." DA said. "Like some of us are going to California…"

"You know I'm doing it to get away from my crazy family, right?" Wanda asked. "My grandma is trying to hook me up with Chinese guys who are like 30. I'm not even legal yet."

"Ew." Keesha scowled.

"Yeah. And that's why I'm leaving. Besides, I want to prove your theory wrong." She looked at DA.

"How?"

"I'm going to end up with some rich surfer guy." Wanda applied eyeliner more moderately this time. "We'll be set for life, and you'll be wrong."

"We'll see." DA said. She wasn't sure which she found more unbelievable: Wanda marrying a rich surfer guy or being wrong.

Talk of the theory made Keesha uncomfortable. She was somewhat of a late bloomer, having argued with Ralphie for nine long years before deciding to act on what were obviously romantic feelings. She'd strongly hinted to Arnold that she would welcome Ralphie's invitation to prom. She knew Ralphie liked her, because he was so easy to read. She'd finally decided that she liked him enough to do something about it, and it looked like tonight was the night. Still, that didn't mean she wanted to marry him. Unlike Phoebe, who'd probably been planning her wedding since she was born, Keesha's vision of a future involved some vague visions of a guy to hang out with for a while. She'd decided that dating was something that maybe she wanted to do after seeing how disgustingly adorable Phoebe and Arnold were together. She was pretty sure they'd get married if college didn't tear them apart. Arnold had applied to the Carnegie State University in Pittsburgh with Ralphie, who'd received a football scholarship junior year. During practice in the summer, Ralphie had severely injured his knee, sidelining him for his entire senior year and eliminating the scholarship. Ralphie's mom had insisted that he go anyway, and Ralphie would do just about anything his mom said. If college could tear Phoebe and Arnold apart, which Keesha was afraid it would, would it tear apart any chance of a relationship she'd have with Ralphie? She had no desire to move to the other side of the state; instead she and Phoebe were going to be roommates and go to Philadelphia University. The heart of downtown Philly is where she knew she belonged while she tried to figure out what she'd do with her life.

She looked over at Phoebe, who was fidgeting with her necklace. Keesha was actually jealous of Phoebe. Though she was awkward and weird and had a tendency to run into things at inopportune moments, she knew what she wanted from life. She had a great relationship with Arnold, which could easily turn into a marriage with adorable red-headed kids. She wanted to be a veterinarian and save animals. She knew which vet schools she'd apply to and exactly what she had to do in college to get there. Keesha had a vague idea that she could go to dinners and movies with Ralphie for a while (or whatever adults did for relationships) and wanted to be an adult – however that worked. Nothing else was clear. She was too much of a realist to have crazy visions of the future. It was a blessing and a curse.

* * *

**Meanwhile, at Ralphie's house…**

The guys' getting ready process had involved putting tuxes on and combing their hair. It lasted half an hour at the longest - only because Arnold was so particular about his hair - so, to kill time, they were playing Goldeneye on Ralphie's old N64.

"We should all be able to be James Bond. I mean, look at us!" Carlos exclaimed. No one pointed out to him that he'd demanded to be the most buxom woman in the game.

"Why are you wearing tails, dude?" Tim shook his head. "You look like a butler."

"I'm going to send you to get me punch all night." Arnold said as his character shot at Ralphie's.

"Stop killing me!" Ralphie yelled.

"QUIET, RALPHIE!" Dr. Tennelli yelled back from her office, which bordered the living room. If there was one thing that the two Tennellis were equally good at, it was yelling. They'd perfected it over years of screaming at the television during the Phillies' decades-long run without winning a World Series. Ralphie vaguely remembered them going to the World Series in 1993, only to get crushed by Toronto of all places. He still felt sad and angry thinking of that World Series – or Toronto.

"Yeah, Ralphie." Arnold whispered.

"Shut up." Ralphie would rather yell at the TV than think about prom. This was probably the most important date he'd ever been on. He'd gone to Homecoming with Wanda and they'd ended up dating for all of three weeks before she inexplicably dumped him and acted like they were friends the whole time. Sure, he'd liked Keesha on and off forever, but it hadn't kept him from having a girlfriend or two. It had helped when he was on the football team, before that uppity sophomore had sacked him way too hard and torn all the ligaments in his left knee. The kid was kicked off the team, but Ralphie had lost his entire future, instead spending the summer in operating rooms and physical therapy. It would be a long road to get back into football shape, and it would take too long for him to get adequately rehabbed in college, so his dream of being a pro football player was dead. He'd decided that if he couldn't be the best football player the NFL had ever seen, he'd go into athletic training or physical therapy or something. His mom tried to get him to consider med school, but one Dr. Tennelli was quite enough. Ralphie was an only child raised by a single mom; he and his mom were already closer than any of his friends and their parents, and he caught lots of heat for it. The last thing Ralphie needed was to become his mother. Carlos would never let him hear the end of that.

"Is it time to go yet?" Tim asked as his character took out both Arnold and Ralphie.

"Dammit, Tim!" Arnold cried. "You should've let me kill Ralphie again first."

"Riiight." Tim shook his head. "Like I'd let you do that out of the goodness of my heart."

"We've got another half an hour." Carlos sighed. "Girls take way too long to get ready."

"Ralphie, how are you so bad at this when it's your game?" Tim asked.

"Shut UP." Ralphie snapped. He was normally much better, but his mind was elsewhere. Tim, apparently, was able to focus all of his faculties on kicking ass in the game.

"Why are we still playing this old game anyway?" Arnold asked. "I know exactly where Carlos is hiding. He hides in the same corner every single time."

"Then why haven't you killed me yet?" Carlos challenged.

"That's why." Tim said as his character killed Carlos's. "I am invincible!" He cried. Tim always picked Boris because his skills at the game allowed him to say his favorite line from the movie several times. The guys ignored his showboating. The last time any of them had called him on it, a fistfight broke out and Arnold had to go to Homecoming with a black eye.

"All I have is this N64." Ralphie shrugged. "Mom won't let me get anything else because 'I'm going to college soon and won't have time for video games.'"

"Does anyone else want to cancel the reservations and go to McDonald's instead?" Carlos asked. "It would be hilarious…"

"We'd have to not go to DA's McDonald's." Arnold smirked. "She'd go nuts."

"That's even better!" Tim laughed.

Ralphie didn't think McDonald's would be a good idea for his long-awaited first date with Keesha. "How often do we get to go to a fancy restaurant?"

"We know you want to impress Keesha," Carlos said as his character ran straight into a wall. "Which is why we should go to McDonald's and you can demonstrate how many Chicken McNuggets you can fit in your mouth."

"That's a terrible idea." Ralphie scoffed. He was pretty sure he'd done that at lunch one time and Keesha hadn't been impressed. Actually, no girls had been impressed. Phoebe gave him that pity "good job" look that she often did when someone's attempt at awesomeness fell flat.

"Only 'cause I can fit more." Carlos challenged.

"No way." Ralphie shook his head and shot at Arnold's character. "Take that, douchebag."

"RALPHIE! LANGUAGE!" Dr. Tennelli yelled.

"How does she hear you?" Tim asked. "You weren't even yelling that time."

"It's her super power. She can hear me swearing from a mile away. Why do you think I'm going to college in Pittsburgh? It isn't the Pirates." Ralphie said. "SORRY, MOM."

"Are you guys ready yet?" Dr. T came out of her office. "Are you seriously playing video games?"

"We have to wait for the girls to get ready." Arnold explained. "We've been ready for an hour at least and we thought we didn't have enough time to watch _Holy Grail_."

"Well you look very handsome." Dr. T grinned at Ralphie, who rolled his eyes so hard she feared they'd get stuck that way. She was partially blocking Ralphie's view of the TV.

"Mom, Tim is going to kill me if you don't move." He said.

"Fine, I won't fawn over you in front of your friends." She smirked. "But you clean up well."

"Gotcha!" Tim crowed.

"Dammit, Tim!" Ralphie sighed. Dr. T turned around and raised her eyebrows. "Sorry, mom."

* * *

As the girls were finishing getting ready, the doorbell rang. They had opted to all get ready at DA's house. She had three sisters, so there was plenty of bathroom space to get ready. It also made more sense for the guys to pick them up at the same place. "As long as we're not going in Phoebe's van," Tim had jibed. Carlos had argued that rolling up to the fanciest dance of high school in the old van with wood paneling would have been hilarious, but he was outvoted, and the guys ended up taking Tim's dad's Suburban. That way they could all go together in some kind of style – and all riding in one car would mean they wouldn't leave DA behind, like they had at Homecoming. Arnold had insisted it wasn't his fault she was hiding in the bathroom for so long fixing her dress. Carlos had suggested they take a few separate cars, "just in case," while winking uncontrollably. They'd compromised by parking at the park next to DA's house. That way long goodbyes on the girls' porches didn't have as much of an audience.

Suddenly all the laughing and speculating and "wouldn't it be cool" was behind them. The moment of truth had come, and Keesha wasn't sure about this anymore. She'd obliged DA and put perfume in her cleavage, but there was no turning back once they went down those stairs. It was like a movie, and she wasn't sure she was ready for what happened next.

"It's okay," Phoebe whispered. "I'm nervous too."

"I'm not nervous!" Keesha snapped.

"Dude, you can't lie to us. We can read your mind." Wanda put her hands up to her temples. "It's the theory."

"That's not the theory." DA argued.

"I know that!" Wanda shot back.

"They're waiting!" Dorothy Ann's mom called up. "Are you coming or not?"

"I really hope Carlos didn't wear tails like he threatened to." Wanda sighed and picked up her skirt before heading to the top of the staircase. The rest of the girls followed suit, with Phoebe taking up the rear so Keesha couldn't bolt.

"Don't fall, Phoebe." DA warned. "You don't want this to be like Homecoming –"

"Enough about Homecoming!" Phoebe said as she lifted up her skirt, revealing the lowest heels of the group. Phoebe was the tallest of the girls, and if she'd worn the same four-inch heels that DA did, she'd be taller than Arnold. Keesha took a deep breath as she rounded the corner.

Carlos wolf-whistled, which was pretty much what everyone expected. Wanda rolled her eyes, but smiled to show she appreciated the attention. She braced herself in case Phoebe lost her footing again. There would be a devastating domino effect, and Wanda would be at the bottom of the pile. Fortunately, she made it to the bottom of the stairs without being knocked over.

"You look great," Carlos said, holding out a corsage of white flowers.

"You look like a butler." Wanda smiled as she put it on her wrist. Mrs. Mauer brought the boutonnières from the fridge in the kitchen, and Wanda pinned Carlos's on his tux without stabbing herself and bleeding all over his tux, by some miracle. Maybe this wasn't going to be like Homecoming after all.

"You got a pink tie!" DA exclaimed upon greeting her date. Tim grinned. Instead of a bowtie, Tim had opted for a vest and a pink tie to match her dress.

"It just looks better this way." Tim said. Carlos had thought he looked ridiculous, but Carlos looked like he was going to pass a tray of hors d'ouevres.

"James Bond wears a cummerbund, not a vest." Arnold remarked as he handed Phoebe her corsage. "You look gorgeous," he whispered.

"So do you." She blushed a bit.

Keesha took a deep breath and stood at the bottom of the stairs. Ralphie was staring at her, but not saying any of the normal things that young men in tuxes say to young women in gowns.

"You look nice," she finally said.

"Oh – yeah, thanks." Ralphie rubbed the back of his neck. "You look… good." He smiled. Keesha couldn't help but laugh.

"I don't look like a grape?" She asked.

"No! No." Ralphie tried to open the corsage box, but it was stuck. Finally the plastic burst open and the corsage fell on the ground, surrounded by the shredded paper that was supposed to protect the corsage from being bumped around. Ralphie was adorable when he was embarrassed.

"Let me help with that," Keesha squatted down and picked up some of the paper strips that had been holding the corsage.

"Here," Ralphie, who was also squatting down, took her hand and put the corsage on.

"Thanks." She looked at the small arrangement of purple flowers, then up at Ralphie, who was looking at her expectantly. "I love it."

She didn't take her hand away as they stood up.

"You two are going to make me puke." Carlos said. Phoebe was grinning ecstatically. Keesha hoped Phoebe didn't start making the high-pitched noise she made when she was excited.

"Shut UP, Carlos." Ralphie hissed as Keesha carefully pinned the purple rose on his lapel. Something about these weird flower traditions felt oddly intimate. She was keenly aware that she was much closer to Ralphie than she normally was. _Maybe it just feels that way,_ she thought. _Maybe this doesn't look nearly as close and awkward as it feels._

"Will that stay?" Keesha asked, letting go of the rose, which flopped over.

"Nope." Ralphie laughed.

"Here," Arnold swooped in and pinned Ralphie's boutonniere. Keesha exchanged looks with Phoebe. Arnold was only inches away from Ralphie's face as he pinned the rose on. They were definitely close enough to kiss. It was closer and more awkward looking than Keesha imagined. Keesha wondered if she looked as intent about touching Ralphie's chest as Arnold did. "That'll stay."

"Thanks." Ralphie smiled. Keesha was relieved that Arnold returned to Phoebe – both so he'd leave her date alone and so Phoebe would stop looking like she'd spontaneously combust from being so excited about Keesha and Ralphie. Ralphie offered his arm to Keesha, who accepted. It was a goofy formal gesture, but she enjoyed it. Phoebe grinned at Keesha, who returned the smile, even though she figured Phoebe was thinking about double-weddings with the two sets of best friends.

* * *

Dinner was not at McDonald's, and Ralphie made sure he was on his best behavior. He might have even used the right forks for the right dishes. Carlos, on the other hand, couldn't take anything seriously. Wanda had been irritated at first, but started laughing along with Carlos. No one threw mashed potatoes at Keesha this time, and this time Phoebe didn't end up accidentally eating meat, unlike the disaster that was Homecoming. As they pulled into the Old Walkerville Hotel, the fanciest dance venue in town, Keesha found that she was less nervous and more excited as the evening went on.

"Shall we?" Ralphie asked, holding his hand out to help Keesha out of the car and bowing slightly.

"You're like a caricature of gentlemen from a compendium of old movies." She shook her head and laughed as she took his hand.

"I can't hide anything from you." Ralphie laughed.

"So… pictures first, then we go in?" Tim asked as they entered the hotel lobby. He didn't want to go dance first and spill water on his pants like he had at Homecoming. He'd been wearing a gray suit and the pictures were embarrassing. The dance was held in the ballroom, of course, but pictures were set up on one side of the expansive lobby.

"Sure." DA grinned at him. She was already having a marvelous time. She and Tim had chatted amicably all through dinner, and she'd laughed at all his jokes. Carlos tried to ignore her happiness.

"I think we need to go to the bathroom, actually." Wanda stared pointedly at DA, which was her way of giving a subtle hint.

"Fine, go discuss us." Arnold said. He and Phoebe kissed quickly before Phoebe ran after the rest of the girls.

"This is so romantic!" Phoebe practically shrieked.

"Here we go." Wanda sighed. She wondered how much of Phoebe's excited speech she'd be able to hear when they were old and she'd lost her high range of hearing.

"Guys, I think I like Tim." DA confessed. Phoebe clapped her hands together excitedly and emitted a high-pitched noise.

_She must be planning a triple-wedding_. Keesha thought.

"So. You and Ralphie, huh?" Wanda asked Keesha. "It took you losers long enough."

"Quality takes a little longer." Keesha retorted as she applied her lipstick.

"You've only been madly in love since…" Wanda checked the bathroom to make sure it was clear before leaning in Keesha's ear and whispering, "Weather Man."

"STOP IT." Keesha said suddenly. "Don't bring that up here."

"Okay, since you were kids, then." Wanda backed off.

"There you go." Keesha refocused her attention. "Phoebe, why are you putting more mascara on? You're just going to cry it all out when they play the song from _Moulin Rouge_."

"It's such a good song." Phoebe sounded like she was choking up already. "And the movie –"

"Don't get her started," DA said protectively. "Let's go get pictures."

Ralphie and Carlos had a long-standing rivalry for who was the King of Funny Dance Pictures, which had been taken to a new level at Homecoming when Carlos had demanded that Phoebe hold him like she was carrying her new bride across a threshold. Of course they'd only been able to hold it for a few seconds, and the picture didn't turn out. Carlos had fallen hard and bruised his tailbone. That night, Ralphie removed himself from the running. He wanted to have an actual picture with Keesha – one where they weren't making weird faces. Keesha and Phoebe both noticed this and communicated their excitement to each other with a series of grins and eyebrow raises.

"Some of us still know how to have fun," Carlos said as he and Wanda posed like they were on the bow of the Titanic. They were both hams and their facial expressions were perfect.

"You guys are so lame," Arnold laughed.

The gang entered the ballroom in the middle of a fast song. Keesha had to catch her breath – this was really the last big formal dance they'd have as a group. Senior Dinner Dance kind of counted, but it was just seniors. They were the top dogs of this prom, and it was the last one they'd have.

Ralphie squeezed her hand. "Want to dance?"

"Oh, sure," Keesha snapped back into reality. She watched the rest of her friends pair off and melt into the crowd of dancing people. Dancing with Ralphie was an odd thing – they talked a lot about all kinds of things. They danced close, but not too close. After a few songs, Ralphie noticed Keesha getting a little restless.

"Want some punch?" Ralphie asked.

"Sure." Keesha shrugged.

Ralphie snapped. "Carlos! Punch!" Carlos socked him in the arm.

"What was that?" Keesha laughed.

"Oh, Carlos looks like a butler." Ralphie looked around. "So, um, you know I've liked you forever, right?"

Keesha reeled from the abrupt subject change. "Yes." She nodded once. "And I suppose I've liked you too. I guess."

Ralphie felt slightly hurt at her less than stellar wording.

"I just – I haven't really acknowledged it until now." Keesha backpedaled. Ralphie still looked uncomfortable. _Screw it_, Keesha thought, and she kissed Ralphie. It took him a second to react, but he returned the kiss. Finally, something was going right. Keesha had thought this would feel like the stars aligning and angels singing, but it didn't. It just felt _right_. It felt like all the years of friendship and bantering had led up to this, and… maybe Phoebe's romanticism was rubbing off on her, after all.

As if on cue, the song from Moulin Rouge started. Keesha pulled away. "Oh great."

"What?" Ralphie asked. Their conversation-turned-confession-turned-kiss-and-back-to-conversation was incredibly confusing.

Keesha sighed. "Want to dance? This is the big song."

"Oh." Ralphie smiled, putting a hand on her waist. "Sure." Keesha put her hand on his shoulder and took his other hand. Ralphie pulled her closer.

"Phoebe is about to start crying." Keesha looked over at where Phoebe and Arnold were dancing.

"Why?" Ralphie furrowed his brow.

"This song. It's so painfully romantic…" Keesha stopped. _Oh God, this song is about pledging undying love. I can't – I don't know. I'm not ready for undying love. I just want to make it through prom without Ralphie hating me. _

"Oh." Ralphie smiled uncomfortably. "I don't think I saw this movie."

"Seriously?" Keesha asked. The girls had watched _Moulin Rouge_ several times already. Despite their best efforts, they'd all been reduced to tears – even Wanda, who wouldn't admit it even while she was crying. "It's pretty good. Sappy, but good. It's pretty much Phoebe's favorite movie. The rest of us tried not to like it, but..."

"Oh." Ralphie wondered why they were talking about Phoebe instead of, you know, kissing. There was only one way to fix that, so he kissed Keesha again. This time it was less of a surprise. He made a mental note to work on the segue into kissing. This would work for now.

Keesha didn't care that there were people watching them, or that they had just been talking about Phoebe before kissing instead of their feelings or saying something deep and emotional. She was just glad that she finally was kissing Ralphie and things hadn't fallen apart yet. Maybe there was hope for her yet. She wasn't sure what she wanted from life, but this wasn't too bad.

* * *

DA and Tim weren't dancing to the song; instead, they were making out in the hallway. Tim had been relieved that DA had liked him, too. He'd been going through periods of serious depression, and sometimes the only thing that kept him going was the hope that his friends would stick around, that maybe someone cared. DA was an amazing, beautiful, smart woman, and to have it be her that cared left him feeling luckier than words. And Tim wouldn't leave her at the dance, like Arnold had at Homecoming.

* * *

Phoebe sniffled into Arnold's shoulder.

"Why are you crying?" He asked.

"This is just so perfect." She sighed. "Sometimes I wish nothing would change."

"I know." Arnold leaned his head against hers. "Why do we have to go to college so far away?"

"Let's not talk about that." Phoebe said. She had never thought of applying to Carnegie State, and by the time she and Arnold got together, it was too late. She figured she could transfer, but whenever she brought it up, Keesha freaked out. Thinking about the group shattered in college would make her cry harder, and she didn't know if Arnold would get his deposit back on his tux if she sobbed into it any more.

"We'll make it though." Arnold said. "I know I'll always love you. Being across the state from you won't change anything."

This wasn't helping Phoebe hold in her tears. "I'll always love you too." The moment was interrupted by a flurry of movement out of the corner of her eye. "What's that?" She asked. Arnold turned around.

"It's Carlos." Arnold realized. "And Wanda."

"Are they doing an interpretive dance?" Phoebe asked. Arnold laughed. They were actually kind of good in a terribly hammy dramatic kind of way.

This isn't what Phoebe had pictured when she found out that the theme of the prom was "Come What May." She'd pictured her and Arnold pledging their lives to each other – and perhaps Keesha and Ralphie doing the same, instead of making out on the dance floor like they were doing, but it was good enough. DA and Tim were a nice bonus – wherever they were. She had some ideas about that, but she didn't want to think about it too hard. And here Carlos and Wanda were, dramatically waving their arms around in a combination of ballroom and interpretive dance.

They were perfect for each other. If she wasn't dancing with Arnold, Phoebe would have emitted her high-pitched noise. It looked like the theory was right, and they were all paired off. It was just too perfect.

When Keesha and Ralphie came up for air, she noticed the dancing. "Look," she said to Ralphie. "Carlos and Wanda are having the time of their lives."

"Idiots." Ralphie laughed. Keesha couldn't help smiling. Her friends were idiots sometimes, but they were loveable idiots.

* * *

**author's note:** Thanks for reading so far!

Some of the terrible things that happened at Homecoming – and the awesome things that happened at Prom – may be based on things that have happened to the author in high school.

Of course, the song from Moulin Rouge is "Come What May," the desired prom theme of certain high school seniors in 2002.

A tip of the hat to SuperMeganFoxyAwesomeHot for writing about Ralphie loving Monty Python.

And I made up all the universities so they can offer whatever I want! Mwa hahaha! They may be based partially on real universities, but they will be entirely fictional.

Also bear with the pairings – this fic will span a lot of time. Your favorite pair may get together at some point.

Stay tuned for the final chapter of high school shenanigans.


	4. the end of the beginning

**author's note: **moralists, there is mention of premarital sex in this chapter. It's not who you think it is – it's a ship we're all okay with, I hope.

* * *

**chapter 3: the end of the beginning**

**June 8, 2002**  
**Walker Arena**  
**Walkerville, PA**

Graduation involved a lot more speeches than Tim expected. He expected the alphabetical seating chart, putting him near Carlos. Instead of listening, he decided to go over a mental highlight reel from high school – like when Carlos auditioned for a spot on the musical productions team because Keesha dared him to, and ended up making it. His favorite role was playing the dentist in _Little Shop of Horrors._ He was actually really good, and Mr. Ramon had wanted his son to stick with theatre. Instead, Carlos was planning to go to dental school and trying to learn the banjo to be like Steve Martin. Or there was the time that Phoebe decided to give sex up for Lent so she wouldn't "fail" because she only had it once, but then people kept asking her what she gave up, forcing her to either lie or admit that she'd had sex. There was the time the guys learned the dance to "Oops, I Did it Again" and lip-synced it for the talent show – with costumes and everything. They got a much better reception than when their band played in 9th grade. They'd rehearsed in Ralphie's garage, playing CDs of rock loud enough that Dr. T wouldn't figure out what they were doing until it was too late. The girls had laughed so hard at the show that they cried. Wanda claimed she peed a little, but she wasn't exactly reliable. One of Tim's favorite memories was when Dr. T decided to tell Ralphie a cautionary tale about premarital sex on his 18th birthday – namely, that he was conceived at an REO Speedwagon concert in Trenton. Ralphie had freaked out. Of course she told the story in front of all of his friends, who mostly laughed at Ralphie's reaction while being secretly glad their own parents weren't sharing the same details.

Tim didn't realize he was laughing until Carlos asked, "What?"

"Ralphie was conceived at an REO Speedwagon concert." Tim snickered.

"And he freaked out because his mom banged his dad."

"Before they were married." Tim continued. "That's what started the whole thing." He could still hear Dr. T reminding Ralphie that he didn't have his father's last name – because he was born out of wedlock. The look on Dr. T's face had been priceless as Ralphie had run upstairs screaming. Good ol' Dr. T knew how to make parties awkward.

"SHH!" Someone hissed at the boys.

There had been low points, too: Keesha's grandmother kept getting sick and Keesha was worried that she'd end up in foster care or have to be on her own for the rest of high school. Janet spent senior year back at Walkerville High after spending years at a Catholic boarding school. She was sick of being a big fish in a big pond and wanted to feel like she was in charge again. She'd tried to push the gang around again, but Arnold had displayed a lot of spine in dealing with her – he'd called her on more crap than Tim had ever seen. Wanda's rebelling against DA's theory had her swearing off dating in large dramatic ways, often in the middle of serious moments. Tim didn't want to think about the bad things now. He'd remember them in time. Graduation was about looking back fondly, so he decided to do that instead.

Overall, high school had been a good experience. Tim had been dating DA for almost three months now; it was easy and nothing about it needed to change. Anything after August was a mystery to him. What would going to college look like if they didn't all pile into Phoebe's 1993 Caravan with wood paneling? What would they listen to if not the mix of whomever was in the front seat, with Phoebe singing harmony? Granted, he wouldn't miss the mixes that Wanda made - a genre Arnold called "dentist music." Wanda liked it because it "calmed her" and she had "complex feelings to express." Maybe he wouldn't miss Ralphie's bizarre mix of oldies and hair bands, come to think of it. No one could listen to REO Speedwagon without being amused and horrified. Tim stifled laughter again. He had to stop thinking about Ralphie's birthday. He looked behind them – past the S last names – to where Ralphie and Phoebe were near each other. Ralphie caught his eyes and made a face. A teacher noticed and glared at him.

_Okay, back to the memories_. Tim thought. Things wouldn't be the same, not without Carlos's made up words to songs, like singing "What the hell is add?" instead of spelling the letters out in "What's My Age Again?" Tim's personal favorite was when Carlos substituted "jello" for "yellow" in the song of the same name. He'd croon the song, being extra serious, even through "you were all jello…" Tim didn't realize he was laughing again.

Carlos shook his head a bit, trying to condemn Tim, but he was remembering the fact that Dr. T was willing to tell Ralphie _the song_ that was playing was nothing if not hilarious. Not as hilarious as Ralphie running up to his room yelling. "I won't tell you, because I know you like the song!" Dr T. had yelled after him. _These are the days of our lives_, Carlos thought.

* * *

**after the boring commencement…**

Walkerville High School sponsored a lock in at Adventure Indoor Park to keep the kids from drinking and driving. Carlos thought it sounded lame.

"Why don't we go to Ralphie's basement and watch Monty Python?" He complained.

"I don't get how you find that stuff funny." DA sighed. "It's just too ridiculous."

"My mom won't let me have girls stay over anymore." Ralphie sighed. It was worth losing his mom's trust to have a girlfriend, though. He wondered if his mom would have still given him the disturbing information that he couldn't forget if he hadn't been dating Keesha. It was still worth it. Most of the time.

"Is this because of the REO Speedwagon concert?" Arnold asked.

"SHUT UP." Ralphie yelled. "I liked them and she had to ruin them for me."

"If she hadn't banged your dad, you wouldn't be alive." Wanda pointed out.

"But I don't need _details_." Ralphie whined. Actually he didn't need to know his mom had banged his dad at all. He was willing to believe that he was cloned from one of her hairs or something.

"Here we are." Phoebe said as she parked. She didn't particularly like the ongoing discussion of Ralphie's mom's former sex life either.

"I hope this doesn't suck," Carlos said, looking at DA and Tim, who were holding hands.

"It won't," Keesha said. She was kind of excited to be able to stay up all night with her friends. They'd had to postpone Phoebe's 18th birthday party – Phoebe had turned 18 the day before graduation – for this. Besides, she was at her last high school function ever, and this time she had a boyfriend.

Carlos was going to have a miserable time. All his friends were in couples except Wanda, and she was so easily entertained by going on all the rides that made Ralphie puke, because Ralphie and Keesha were probably too busy making out somewhere. At 3 am, Carlos got tired of following Wanda around. He moped into the ice cream parlor, where he came across Phoebe, who was reading.

"Aren't you going to make out with Arnold?" He asked. Phoebe held up a finger. "What? What are you reading?" Phoebe held up the book without taking her eyes off it. Carlos squinted at the cover.

"She's at a good part," Arnold explained, sitting down across from Phoebe with ice cream. "She hasn't said anything for the last half an hour." He slid one bowl over to Phoebe, who took a bite without looking away from her book.

"What the hell is _A Storm of Swords_?" Carlos tried to imagine it: a tornado made entirely of swords. "It sounds badass."

"It's the third book in this series she's into. I got it for her for her birthday. She's trying to get me to read it, but I don't like fantasy." Arnold said.

"Why not?" Carlos asked. Arnold stared at him.

It took Carlos a second to remember a few reasons why Arnold would be somewhat wary of stories that involved magical entities and transformations.

"Oh right." He said.

Phoebe gasped. "NO!" She cried, and her "no"s got faster and louder. "NO! NONONONONO!"

"What happened now?" Arnold asked.

"Wait, what?" Carlos wondered.

"I CAN'T TELL YOU BECAUSE YOU NEED TO READ IT!" Phoebe began sobbing. "Everything was going to be fine and then…" Suddenly she was angry. "Those double-crossing bastards!"

"That many feelings over a book?" Carlos jeered. "You know these people aren't real."

"You read it, Carlos." This was the first time Phoebe spoke to him for the first time that night. "Read these books and tell me you don't feel anything."

"Why should I?" Carlos demanded.

"I dare you." Phoebe said coolly.

"Deal!" Carlos always accepted dares. It hadn't got him into too much trouble yet.

Arnold didn't want to be one-upped by Carlos. "You know what, Phoebe, I want to read the first book. That way we can read it at the same time when we're apart." Carlos made gagging noises.

"Here." Phoebe took a book out of her bag and handed it to Arnold.

"You brought two books to a party?" Carlos asked.

"In case I finished this one, I could re-read the first one." Phoebe shrugged and tried to get back to her book.

"Who are you, DA?" Carlos snarked.

"They're really good, okay?" Phoebe argued. "Get DA or someone to take you to the library. It's called _A Game of Thrones_. Read it."

* * *

Keesha and Ralphie were roller skating. Keesha had been pleasantly surprised at how much fun she had doing stereotypical couples things like roller skating and sharing milkshakes with Ralphie. Not that it should surprise her – Ralphie was a fun guy. She hated that things were going so well right before he moved to Pittsburgh.

"Do you think we'll stay together in college?" She asked.

"Yeah," Ralphie said. "I don't want to date anyone else." He wondered if that was the right thing to say. He wasn't good at dating – or relationships at all, really. He blamed his deadbeat dad for knocking his mom up in a bathroom at an REO Speedwagon concert, divorcing her, and then waiting until Ralphie was old enough to remember before he vanished. He had a great idea of what not to do, but not much of an idea of what they should do. Were they supposed to have a song or something? Should he give her his class ring? Wasn't that what they did on _Happy Days_?

"Me either." Keesha took his hand. "But did you have to go to school across the state?"

"I got a scholarship." Ralphie shrugged. "And it's not like Pennsylvania is that big. We can meet in the middle on weekends."

"Pittsburgh is across the state the long way." Keesha complained. "It's six hours away."

"I know." Ralphie sighed. He wasn't looking forward to leaving Keesha and some of his friends behind. At least Arnold and DA were coming to Pittsburgh. And they all wanted to study something in the sciences, which was good. They'd see each other. Still, he wished this had worked out better. Maybe he could transfer to Philly U after a couple years. "I'll come back for winter break. And spring break. And summer."

"I'm glad." Keesha hugged him. It was 4 am and she was feeling sappy.

* * *

Wanda didn't notice when Carlos left. Her friends had been super dramatic ever since they all started dating and stuff. She preferred not to get too caught up in the drama. Life was easier if you kept it simple. She didn't have to think about boyfriends or college or anything that night, so she didn't. The hardest decision she wanted to make was whether or not her stomach could take the Screaming Spinner again. She'd made poor decisions a few times that night – eating a ton of ice cream and going on the tilt-a-whirl was one such decision – but she chose to live in the moment. At one particular moment around 5 am, she felt like sleeping on a bench next to the bumper cars. So she did.

* * *

**August 15, 2002  
****Walkerville, PA**

The gang's parents let them get away with a lot more get togethers than usual that summer – they went to Adventure Park more times than they could count, spent countless nights in each other's houses watching movies, and pretty much memorized _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_. Unbeknownst to the other guys, Ralphie watched _Moulin Rouge_. He cried – but only just a little. Keesha was sworn to secrecy.

Tim packed gradually over the summer. He wasn't going far, but he was going far enough to get away from his parents. They insisted that he could commute to New Jersey, but he made arrangements to live on campus with Carlos. Carlos had made it through _A Game of Thrones _and recommended it to Tim, who found himself reading it when he was supposed to be packing. Carlos had made it required reading, which he figured was good practice for college. Tim slightly resented that his roommate was the one assigning reading.

Dorothy Ann had labeled, color coded, and written dates on each of her boxes. She was nothing if not organized. Carnegie State had a good chemistry program, and she was looking forward to her research. As the time to leave for college approached, she had a dilemma. She really liked Tim, but they'd be too far away. She finally decided that she didn't want a boyfriend distracting her from her studies. Her past experience with Carlos had taught her that boyfriends were incredibly distracting. Still, she liked him a lot, and hoped that they'd be able to pick up where they'd left off – maybe when she was in graduate school.

Phoebe delayed packing. It's not that she wasn't excited to go to college; it's that she dreaded Arnold moving across the state. She and Keesha would have talked more about what would happen if they each hadn't been talking to their respective boyfriends.

Carlos knew his friends thought he'd wait until the last second and stash everything he owned into boxes, so he started packing early to spite them. They were unaware of this, but Carlos knew he had the upper hand, and got really smug whenever anyone discussed packing. Wanda didn't care what her friends thought, and completed her packing in an all-nighter in mid-August.

Before she knew it, she was being dropped off at the airport. Phoebe's lip was trembling. Everyone looked sad. Wanda took a deep breath. She was the first one to leave the group, and she was going all the way to the other side of the country. The rest of the gang had made a big deal about Pittsburgh being so far away. San Diego wasn't even driving distance. She hugged everyone goodbye.

"I'll try not to have too much fun without you." Wanda turned and walked away, wheeling her bag behind her. "See you at Christmas, losers!"

She definitely didn't feel sad, she told herself. That was excitement she was feeling. Her life was about to start.

* * *

**author's note**:

Yes, the talent show band Tim remembers is Chemical Toilet from "Money for Nothing," and they sang "Smells Like Teen Spirit." They only know one song. This is the way things must be.

Some creative license taken with timing and location of the REO Speedwagon concert.

Carlos's tampered lyrics are from "What's My Age Again" by Blink 182 and "Yellow" by Coldplay. Singing "What the hell is ADD" as "what the hell is add?" is definitely not my idea – I heard it from Richard Cheese.

Phoebe is reading _A Storm of Swords_. A major tip of the hat to theultimateSora for writing about Phoebe loving these books. I knew I had to incorporate them. There will be more A Song of Ice and Fire as the books are passed around the group. This means spoilers, for those of you who haven't read the books or seen the shows. Granted, the gang is behind us in reading, but that's only because this is taking place in the early 00s.

Next up, college. This is where it starts getting interesting, folks.


	5. college, cheesy songs, & coincidences

**author's note:** A major spoiler for _A Game of Thrones_ (the first book in the series) is up ahead, in case you have existed in a spoiler-free zone since 1996 and want to remain there. If you don't care about that series, don't worry, you can still read this fic and it will make sense.

* * *

**chapter 4: college, cheesy songs, & coincidences**

**August 16, 2002  
****Mission University  
****San Diego, CA**

Wanda loved California. She couldn't decide what her favorite part was: the beautiful weather, not having New Jersey between her and the beach, or being thousands of miles from her family that tried to force her into marriages with men twice her age… now all she had to do was make some best friends, pass college, meet a hot surfer guy who was rich, get married, throw it all in DA's face, and she'd be golden. The world was her oyster.

* * *

**August 17, 2002  
****En route to Pittsburgh**

Arnold decided to read _A Game of Thrones_ on the drive over to Pittsburgh, even though his parents wished he'd actually talk to them. Since Dr. T had a shift at the hospital, she'd said goodbye to Ralphie the night before. Ralphie was a little relieved that she wouldn't have the chance to reveal more earth-shattering information when his friends were watching. Ralphie had ridden with Arnold and his parents, who would fly home once the guys were settled, leaving Arnold with the car. DA was probably already there – the guys got a late start because Arnold kept finding more things to bring. Since they were both in the back seat and Arnold had a tendency to verbally react to exciting developments in the book, Arnold had to stop reading to explain several times.

"Wait, dragon eggs?" Ralphie asked. "I thought you didn't like fantasy."

"I don't. I'm reading this because Phoebe likes it." Arnold said, soon getting engrossed in the book again.

"Sure." Ralphie laughed. "And I watch Star Wars for the political intrigue."

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Philly…**

"Here we are." Phoebe said, putting her bag down in the empty dorm room. The beds were lofted, leaving room for the desks and making the room look slightly bigger than the oversized closet it probably was.

"I hope I don't fall off the bed." Keesha winced at the thought. The room was plain, but it was away from home. Besides, she had stacks of pictures of all their friends to stick on the walls. It would look awesome in no time.

"I think I'll be too afraid to roll over." Phoebe said. "Come on, let's go get the rest of our stuff." Keesha followed her out the door.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Jersey…**

"And then, right when everything is going to be okay, Joffrey tells the one guy to behead Ned Stark!" Carlos exclaimed.

"Thanks for ruining it, dude." Tim sighed. "I'm halfway through."

"Sorry." Carlos shrugged. "You should have read faster. Hey! You know who needs to read this? Wanda."

"Why?" Tim asked. "She doesn't like complicated stuff. This is super complicated. I feel like I need charts."

"But she'll like all the murdering and the sex." Carlos shrugged. "I wonder how far Arnold's got."

"Call him later; he probably hasn't made it to Pittsburgh yet." Tim knew Carlos would ignore him.

* * *

**Meanwhile, en route to Pittsburgh…**

"Why is Carlos calling me?" Arnold wondered.

"Maybe he wants to make more comments about how we're 'living together.'" Ralphie made air quotes.

Arnold's parents exchanged a look.

"What?" Arnold asked into his phone. "WHY DID YOU TELL ME THAT? YOU RUINED IT! I'm a third of the way through. Stop calling me." He hung up. "Apparently Carlos finished the book and needs to talk about it, so he told me what happens." He debated ruining it for Ralphie, too – in the interest of fairness – but decided to be nice and keep his mouth shut.

"Why doesn't he call Phoebe then?" Ralphie asked. Arnold glared at him. "What? You're not the only one who can call Phoebe." Ralphie, for one, planned to commiserate with Phoebe that their teams would never make it to the World Series again.

"I don't want to suggest that to Carlos. He's…" Arnold tried to explain why the idea of Carlos and Phoebe talking for hours about the books would disturb him. Carlos was charming and could get his own way very easily. He knew Phoebe could talk to anyone at great length about the books. It would be too easy for Carlos to try to manipulate Phoebe away from him – maybe he was getting way too into the intrigue and scheming in the books. Still, if anyone was going to have a quality conversation with his girlfriend, it would be him. "I need to finish this book."

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Philly…**

Keesha and Phoebe lugged up armfuls of boxes to their room. "Do you have the key?" Phoebe asked.

"No, I thought you did." Keesha said. Phoebe set her boxes down and patted her pockets.

"I don't have it!" She cried.

"Check your purse." Keesha tried to remain calm.

"My purse is in the room!" Phoebe cried. Her phone buzzed. "Why is Carlos calling me?"

"Ignore him. We have to find our keys." Keesha put her boxes down and patted her pockets.

"Look who it is," a voice came from behind them.

Phoebe's eyes widened. "Janet?"

"The one and only." Janet smirked. "Did you losers lock yourselves out?"

"You go here?" Keesha asked.

"Me and twenty thousand others." Janet shrugged. "It's a free country."

"And you live in this hall?" Phoebe asked shakily.

"Just your luck, isn't it?" Janet laughed and walked off.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in San Diego…**

Wanda had unpacked her room and waited for a roommate to show up. It had felt like weeks since she moved in. Campus was too far from the beach to do anything, and Wanda didn't have a car, which was super lame. All that freedom she had felt at first was suddenly suffocating and it had only been one day. She sat at her computer. Her IM was up, but none of her friends were online. One thing she knew about college was that college students were online all the time, so they obviously hadn't set up their computers yet. Despondent, she decided to listen to music. If there was one person who could express her complicated feelings at this moment, it was Céline Dion. Wanda sang along.

"When I was young, I never needed anyone…"

Fortunately, her roommate didn't show up during the dramatic chorus, but during the instrumental part where Wanda was in the midst of an interpretive dance.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Jersey…**

"Well that was easy." Tim said once they got their stuff unpacked. "Now what?"

"You know, I hadn't really thought ahead this far." Carlos admitted. "My plan was to get to college. Here we are."

"Yep." Tim sighed.

"So… what's your favorite joke?" Carlos asked. This was the time when he and Tim were going to become best friends.

"What do you call a black pilot?" Tim asked. He suspected Carlos would like hearing an off-color joke. He was right, judging by Carlos's eager reaction.

"I don't know, what?"

"A _pilot_, you racist." Tim went back to putting his clothes away.

"That was okay." Carlos shrugged. "So a rope goes into a bar, and the bartender says, 'We don't serve your kind here!' So the rope goes out, ties itself into a knot, and ruffles his end, and goes back in. The bartender says, 'Aren't you that rope that was in here?' And the rope says, 'Nope, I'm a frayed knot.'"

"That was terrible, Carlos." Tim couldn't bring himself to pity laugh. "Puns are the lowest form of humor."

"Phoebe says I have a gift." Carlos argued.

Tim looked at Carlos. "She also says Janet has a gift for instantly making everyone hate her."

"It is kind of a superpower. You just have to _look_ at her." Carlos had a policy to accept every compliment he received – sincere, backhanded, or dubious, it didn't matter. Besides, Phoebe was too nice to give anyone backhanded compliments.

"Maybe we should figure out where our classes are." Tim suggested.

"Nah, let's just watch TV!" Carlos exclaimed. "How big can this campus be?"

Tim sighed again.

"So… how about them Eagles?"

Tim forgot that Carlos loved football. "What about them?"

"You don't like football?"

"Not really." Tim shrugged. "I mean, if you want a violent contact sport, there's rugby. Football is rugby with shoulder pads."

This was going nowhere fast. "Hey, have you heard of the movie _Constipated_?" Carlos asked.

"Why would I even want to hear about that movie?"

"It's not out yet." Carlos grinned. "They keep trying, though…"

"Dammit, Carlos." This was going to be a long four years.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Philly…**

"Locked yourselves out already?" The resident advisor asked. She had stopped by to introduce herself to her new freshmen, only to find them out in the hall with boxes, looking distraught.

"Sorry." Phoebe said.

"It happens a lot, don't worry about it." The RA smiled. "I'm Emily. Will one of you come down with me to get a key?"

"I will." Keesha said, though Phoebe's eyes pleaded her not to leave her alone with a rogue Janet wandering around. "I'm Keesha."

"Nice to meet you!" Emily said. She didn't notice Phoebe's plight in watching her best friend vanish into the hallway of a strange building with a blonde upperclassman. "Where are you from?"

"Walkerville." Keesha explained. "Phoebe and I have been best friends since third grade, so we thought we'd make good roommates."

"I hope you do!" Emily exclaimed. "I roomed with my best friend freshman year."

"How'd it go?" Keesha asked.

"Oh – we don't talk anymore." Emily seemed to be realizing that this was not a good topic of conversation. "So… do you know what you're studying yet?"

"Psychology, I guess." Keesha shrugged. She was excited about watching more fainting goats videos.

"Cool!" Emily seemed to have boundless enthusiasm. "What about your roommate?"

"Animal biology. Phoebe's going to be a veterinarian." Talking about Phoebe's goals was a lot safer. Phoebe actually _had_ goals. "She's got everything figured out."

"And you don't?"

"Well, I'm not sure what I want to do with my life." Keesha wasn't sure why she was telling things like that to this friendly stranger.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh…**

Dorothy Ann sat at her computer, waiting for the guys to get online. She knew they lived in the same residence hall. She just didn't know _where_. Finally, she gave up on waiting and called Arnold because his number came up before Ralphie's.

"STOP CALLING ME." He snapped.

"What? This is the first time I called you!" She said.

"Sorry, I thought you were Carlos."

"Um, okay…" DA didn't know how to react to that. "Where are you guys?"

"We're just pulling into the parking lot."

"Need help moving your stuff?" She asked. She'd ended up with a single room, so she didn't have a roommate. She didn't mind. She'd need the quiet to study.

"Yeah!" Arnold said. "We're in the west parking lot."

DA grabbed her keys and ran downstairs, hoping she ended up in the correct parking lot.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in San Diego…**

"Hi. I'm Wanda." Wanda said robotically.

"Tiffany." The blonde girl said. "Were you just dancing? Is that Céline Dion?"

"Yes?"

Tiffany laughed. "I'm your roommate, I guess."

"Nice to meet you." Wanda said.

"You look familiar." Tiffany said, putting her stuff down.

"So do you." Wanda turned off the music. "Where are you from?"

"Philadelphia."

"Really?" Wanda cried. "I'm from Walkerville!"

"I'm from Walkerville!" Tiffany's eyes widened.

"Then why did you say Philadelphia?" Wanda realized that this far away, people would actually probably say Philadelphia and instantly felt stupid. If college was just going to make her feel stupid, she hated it. This was not a good sign.

"I guess I could have said 'around Philadelphia,'" Tiffany said. "So we must've gone to high school at the same time. I'm a sophomore now."

"I'm a freshman." Wanda actually remembered the first day she had met Tiffany – the day she made Arnold fill up water in the girls' bathroom before that field trip. Of course, she couldn't explain this to her new roommate. She could practically hear DA saying "I told you so!"

"What are you studying?" Tiffany asked.

"I don't know." Wanda sat on her bed. "Psychology?"

"I'm studying marketing. It's actually pretty interesting. You should take an intro class." Tiffany suggested.

"Okay," Wanda shrugged. Maybe she'd meet her hot surfer guy in marketing, then DA could suck it.

"Well, I'm going to go get the rest of my stuff…" Tiffany said.

"Okay." Wanda thought for a second before saying, "Wait, do you need help?"

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Philly…**

Phoebe waited diligently for Janet to jump out from around a corner, tip over all the boxes, and run away cackling. Though it seemed like the most likely scenario, it didn't happen. Instead, Keesha came back with the RA, who unlocked the door. "Nice meeting you!" Keesha waved.

"Aren't you glad Janet didn't come back?" Phoebe asked.

"I knew you could take her." Keesha shrugged. "Let's get this stuff in and get to unpacking."

The girls unpacked the essentials first before tackling the décor. Fortunately, they didn't have much stuff.

"Phoebe, you know if you put up that Red Sox pennant, you are going to be beaten up." Keesha remarked. "You know this is Phillies country."

"They're in different leagues; they don't play each other at all this year. Besides, Ralphie never beat me up." Phoebe shrugged as she put sticky tack on the corner of the pennant.

"That's because we've been friends since third grade."

"He punched Carlos in the face when Carlos decided he liked the Mets, and he's known Carlos since second grade."

"That's because that was Carlos. Everyone wants to punch him in the face sometimes. Then he decided he liked the Yankees so _you_'d punch him in the face. You should have."

Phoebe laughed. "I told him that I wished New York would just sink into the ocean. The look on Arnold's face – "

"You pretty much said you wished he'd never been born." Keesha carefully placed a picture of Arnold and Phoebe on her bulletin board.

"He knows that's not true!" Phoebe looked at the picture Keesha was putting up and smiled. "Still, it's no problem. It's not like the Sox have won a Series since 1918." She sighed. "At least the Phillies had 1980."

"Ah, sports I don't care about." Keesha laughed. She vastly preferred basketball to any other sport. Phoebe enjoyed basketball and watched football if it was on, but didn't have strong feelings about it. Ralphie liked all sports, but he loved baseball almost as much as he loved his mother. "How did I get stuck with the two baseball nuts?"

"You lucked out." Phoebe grinned, putting the pennant up above her desk. "With any luck, we'll get a Phillies-Red Sox World Series and you'll _have_ to learn about baseball."

"Doubtful." Keesha had managed to escape learning about baseball so far. She was slightly afraid of its power to transform mild-mannered Phoebe into a borderline aggressive angry fan, though. For a second after Carlos declared for the Yankees, a darkness had fallen over Phoebe's face that made Keesha shiver. Keesha had decided that Phoebe could possibly be the most evil person in the group if she just gave in to it. She remembered nearly everything the gang had been through together, and paid close attention to people. If she used her power for evil, the gang would be hosed.

"I know." Phoebe said wistfully. "Besides, how would you know which team to root for?"

"The one with the cooler mascot." Keesha shrugged.

"Is it dumb that I miss everyone already?"

"Probably. But I miss them too."

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh…**

"How did you each bring more stuff than I did?" DA wondered loudly as she lugged one of Ralphie's boxes up.

"He has all that baseball crap." Arnold said. "And I didn't want to leave my entire rock collection. My mom has wanted to throw it out for years."

"I have to make an oasis of Phillies in this godforsaken town," Ralphie explained, glad that he could say "godforsaken" without his mother yelling at him.

When the guys had set up their stuff, DA stuck around. She had a feeling she'd be hanging out with them a lot, and she didn't mind. They mostly talked about the book Arnold was reading on the way over. "What book are you reading?"

"_A Game of Thrones_." Arnold said. "Phoebe's way into these books. It's a good way for me to feel like we're still all in Walkerville."

"Mind if I borrow it when you're done?" DA asked.

"It's Phoebe's – I'm sure she won't mind. She'd probably love to talk to all of us about it." Arnold said. That was an understatement. He knew Phoebe would make that high-pitched noise over her friends getting together and the idea of having a _Game of Thrones _book club. Maybe DA and Carlos would hook up at book club and Phoebe would die and go to heaven.

"There's dragons in it, and Carlos will spoil everything." Ralphie explained.

"Okay…" DA raised her eyebrows.

"That's all I know so far. He's telling me what happens as he reads."

"Why don't you read it for yourself?" DA asked.

"One – we only have the one copy of the book. Two – I need to know if it's worth reading." Ralphie tried to think of more reasons.

"Fine, whatever." DA shrugged.

* * *

**August 16, 2002  
****Mission University  
****San Diego, CA**

Wanda went to breakfast with Tiffany. It was weird not having her regular friends. She felt like she was missing part of her body or something. She was trying to make friends with Tiffany, but she realized just how comfortable she'd been with her other friends. Whose idea had it been to move to California anyway?

Oh right.

Her mom called her and asked how she was. Wanda knew what she was really asking, so she said, "Oh, I'm great, Mom! You wouldn't believe the weather here – and I'm already friends with my roommate!"

Take _that_, parental pressure to go to Walker State.

Maybe if all her friends had gone there, Wanda would have been able to ignore her grandmother's setups for four years. Maybe.

When she got back from breakfast, she had an IM waiting from DA.

**DA**: how's California?

**Wanda loves California**: amazing! I'm already friends with my roommate! How's Pittsburgh?  
**  
DA****: **It's good! I think Ralphie is still setting up his Phillies shrine.  
**  
Wanda loves California**: before his computer?  
**  
DA****: **you know his priorities, Wanda.  
**  
DA****: **Meanwhile, Arnold is all set up and reading that book Phoebe lent him. I don't think he's slept.  
**  
DA****: **he's super into it and explaining everything to Ralphie, who also apparently wears hospital socks around his dorm because his feet get cold.  
**  
Wanda loves California****: **weird.  
**  
DA****: **so how are things with you?  
**  
Wanda loves California****: **Tiffany, the girl Arnold liked forever, is my roommate.

**DA****: **NO WAY.

**Wanda loves California****: **and I met several hot surfer type guys.

**DA****: **that's just great

**Wanda loves California****: **say goodbye to your precious theory

Wanda sighed. This was much less fun than it would be in person.

**DA**: I miss you and your naïve beliefs that you can single-handedly take down the theory

**DA**: You know I'm right. I'm always right.

Wanda laughed, and took a second to finally write down what she was thinking:

**Wanda loves California**: the only bad thing about California is that you guys aren't here

She sat there, wondering what DA would say.

**DA**: we miss you too, but you have to honor those surfer boys with your presence. It's better than marrying a 50 year old that your grandma met at the grocery store because he likes lettuce and you like lettuce, right?

Wanda smiled.

**Wanda loves California**: tell the boys to get online so I can make fun of Ralphie's socks.

* * *

**October 9, 2002  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

The guys were in DA's room for a change. Classes were going decently well, but midterms were just after Fall Break. "I'd love to go back home!" Arnold exclaimed. He desperately wanted to see Phoebe again, but he also didn't want to completely botch his college experience. He needed to study for his intro to engineering class, which he hated with the fire of a thousand suns. Engineering had seemed like a good idea a year ago, before he actually did any of it.

"We could go home so I could get my truck. My mom was threatening to melt it down." Ralphie shrugged. They hadn't been entirely sure his truck would make it to Pittsburgh the first time, but there was no harm in trying now.

"We need to get the gang back together. I have a plan." DA raised her eyebrows quickly. "It won't take long. Besides, it's Fall Break."

"Is it Fall Break for everyone?" Arnold asked. He didn't want to drive for six hours for Phoebe not to be there.

"I figured you two could ask your girlfriends. I'll get Carlos and Tim." DA said. She typed something into IM quickly, then shrugged. "Done. They're on break and they'll come back."

"Well that was easy." Ralphie said. "I'll call Keesha."

* * *

**October 12, 2002  
****Mission University  
****San Diego, CA**

Wanda's phone rang at noon on a Saturday, waking her up. "What the hell?" She asked. Tim's home number was on the caller ID. "Hello?" She hoped it wasn't Tim's dad again, like that one time he thought Wanda was a psychic because Tim had lied. That was awkward.

"Wanda?" DA asked. "Can you hear me?" Her voice was far away.

"Yes…" Wanda sat up. Something was fishy about this.

"You're not in public, are you?" DA asked.

"No. What? Why? What's going on? Why are you at Tim's house?"

"You'll see." The voice was Carlos's.

"WHY IS CARLOS THERE TOO?" She asked. "Who all is there?"

"Oh, we're all here." Keesha said.

Wanda felt the anger rise in her chest. Her friends had got together on Fall Break and were rubbing it in her face. They knew she was alone. They probably knew she missed them. This was bullshit. "Why are you calling me?"

Someone cleared their throat.

"You'll see in a sec." DA said reassuringly. "Ready?"

"Ready for what?" Wanda asked as some music started. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

Then a few of them started singing. Wanda couldn't pick out who – Keesha and Phoebe? Arnold and Tim?

"Many times I tried to tell you, many times I cried alone…"

Wanda's eyes widened. This was one of her songs. This was the song she made Phoebe listen to on repeat for twenty minutes once as they'd driven all the way across the county to the one acceptable McDonald's. This was the song where she told Ralphie that he belonged to the light and the thunder, and he'd punched her in the arm. And now her seven best friends were singing it to her over the phone. They knew she loved the song. They missed her enough to learn the words and sing it into a phone, even though they probably felt really stupid. She had no idea what she'd done to deserve friends like this. She knew everything she'd done to deserve them abandoning her – and they weren't.

Wanda couldn't help herself. She'd been sad about being alone, but hadn't actually cried until now, no matter how many times she listened to "Leaving Town." She could pick out each of her friends' voices now: Phoebe singing harmony, DA's soprano, Tim's baritone, Carlos and Keesha's voices, full of drama… and she knew why they were at Tim's house. Tim had a karaoke machine. This scheme had required planning, and her friends had decided that she was worth it.

And she couldn't help but join the chorus. She knew she sounded horrible. Singing wasn't her strong suit, and singing through tears was awful.

As the song ended, DA asked, "Well?"

Wanda sniffled. "Please tell me Keesha got way too into that song."

"You know it!" Keesha said.

"And you all got lighters out and swayed." Wanda added.

"We don't let Carlos play with fire and you know it." Tim said. "But there was swaying."

"You guys – that was perfect." Wanda sobbed.

"Definitely." Phoebe said. "I wish you could have seen it." She was probably crying, too. Good old sentimental Phoebe.

"You better do this again when I come home for Christmas." Wanda tried to sound threatening.

"You're going to have to sing it with us." DA replied.

* * *

**author's note**: Janet's line ("the one and only") is from _Butterfly and the Bog Beast_.

Wanda is singing "All By Myself" by Céline Dion, mostly because the image of her doing so is something that has amused me for years. I had to share it, dear reader.

"Leaving Town" is by Dexter Freebish.

"We Belong" by Pat Benetar is one of my favorite songs for the group of 8 as friends.

So what happens when the gang gets back together over winter break? Is there a massive karaoke party? Will there be even more cheesy singing? Is this fic secretly a musical? Will Carlos play with fire? Find out next time…


	6. the therapy van

**chapter 5: the therapy van**

**December 13, 2002  
****Ralphie's house  
****Walkerville, PA**

The gang had decided that the most obvious place to have a reunion was DA's McDonald's. They'd all come back for break, except Wanda, who was flying back later that afternoon, and her parents would probably commandeer her for a while. Ralphie was putting his coat on to go out the door to McDonald's with his friends when his mom stopped him.

"Ralphie, I need to talk to you."

Ralphie stopped abruptly. It was his birthday. The last time she had to talk to him on his birthday, things got terrible incredibly quickly.

"Today?" He asked.

"Now."

"Arnold's out front. We can talk when I get back."

"I won't be home when you get back. Have him drive on. You can have someone else take you." Dr. T insisted. "Sit down."

Ralphie sighed and called Arnold. "I'll call you when I'm ready, okay? Fine. Okay, tell her to wait then. I'll call her when I need a ride."

"Her?" Dr. T asked.

Ralphie glared at his mom. "Phoebe. She has some errands to run with her dad or something. So what's so important?"

"It's about your father."

"Of course." Ralphie sighed again and sat on the couch.

"Look, Ralphie," Dr. T sat across from him. "I'm sorry about your birthday last year. I understand why you're upset."

Ralphie didn't say anything, just raised his eyebrows. Everyone understood why he was upset. This wasn't news.

"And I understand that your father leaving us was devastating to you."

_Thank you, Captain Obvious._

"You're just so angry about it. You're hung up on it, and it's not good for you."

"My father abandoned me." Ralphie said coldly. "Of course I'm hung up on it. I don't know how to have a decent relationship because the only father figure I have ran off and abandoned me. So yeah, I guess I have issues."

Dr. T's expression softened. "I know it's hard. You seem to forget that I loved him. I married him believing everything would work out. We did our best to raise you well, but things didn't work out between us. I think you're being unfair to him."

"UNFAIR?!" Ralphie demanded.

"Hear me out." Dr. T said firmly. "You're so hurt that you make him out to be a horrible person. He isn't; he's just a man that made some mistakes. I make mistakes, too. You have to forgive him. Hating him is eating away at you – it's only making you angrier."

"I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT HIM!" Ralphie yelled.

"You do!" Dr. T said. "But do you have to? What do you want to become? Do you want to spend the rest of your life blaming everything on your dad? Do you want to measure everything in your life against what he did or didn't do? Do you want spend the rest of your life being a victim?"

"That's not what I meant!"

"It's what you're doing!" Dr. T cried, before recomposing herself. "Look, Michael and I weren't right for each other, but without him, you never would have been born. Do you know how important you are to me, Ralphie? Do you?"

Ralphie hated it when his mom said this kind of thing. It made him feel terrible for all the things he'd done that hurt her. Of course he cared about his mom. This wasn't about her, though; it was about how he felt. Why wouldn't she let him work through his issues in his own way?

"I've had regrets in my life, but meeting your father has never, ever been one of them – because of you." Dr. T took a deep breath. She rarely cried, but she was near tears. "When you're this angry at him, I wonder if you're wishing that you'd never been born."

"No, Mom, I just – I wish he was around." Ralphie said softly. "I wish he could be my _dad_. That sounds dumb."

"No," Dr. T sat next to Ralphie and put her arm around him.

"I don't think I can forgive him."

"You need to." Dr. T said. Ralphie didn't say anything in reply. "I think you need therapy."

Ralphie sat in silence. He was still angry and hurt, and his mom's insistence on telling him things that sucked wasn't helping.

"Promise me you'll look into it when you go back to college. I figured you didn't want me asking my colleagues about it."

"I'll think about it." Ralphie said. "Is that it?"

Dr. T knew that was the best she was going to get out of her son. "Yeah, you can go now." Dr. T kissed him on the forehead. "You're the best thing that happened to me, Ralphie, don't forget that. Happy birthday."

She stood up and went into her room to finish getting ready for work. Ralphie went up to his room and threw himself facedown on his bed for the second birthday in a row.

* * *

Phoebe pulled up to Ralphie's house and lightly tapped the horn twice, the signal she'd used all through high school. She was excited for things to be the same as they used to be, if only for a few weeks. Ralphie came out the front door, holding a CD. He was walking quickly, and seemed to slam the van door a bit too hard.

"Hi!" Phoebe said brightly. Ralphie put the CD in, advanced to track three, fastened his seatbelt, folded his arms, and stared out the window.

She recognized the song Ralphie had put on – it was REO Speedwagon._ That's weird._ Phoebe thought. Then again, it was Ralphie's birthday. Maybe he was thinking about the concert again – but this was a breakup song, so it was unlikely that it was _the _song. She put the van in reverse and headed toward the McDonald's. Ralphie turned the volume up as high as it would go. Phoebe looked over at him. Ralphie was never sullen in the car when he picked the music. He nearly always sang, and this song was one of his favorites. She kept glancing over at him to make sure he was okay. He looked like he was about to cry, but he didn't say anything, so Phoebe didn't either. She sat rigidly straight, navigating the holiday traffic. Out of habit, Phoebe started mouthing the words to the chorus.

She tried to figure out what would make Ralphie listen to this song. Did he just dump Keesha? No, she would have heard something from her. Was he about to dump Keesha? Phoebe tried not to think about what on earth this would mean. Ralphie would talk when he was ready. He always did, and it didn't usually take long. Finally, the song was over. Ralphie turned it back down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Phoebe asked.

Ralphie wanted to say, "no," but what came out was, "My mom thinks I need therapy."

"For the field trips?"

Ralphie laughed involuntarily, "No, it's because I'm so angry at my dad for abandoning us."

Phoebe didn't say anything. She'd found that being quiet was the best way to make sure the other person said what they needed to say. Ralphie started talking and had difficulty stopping.

"I don't get how she expected me to take this. She raised me _Catholic_, Phoebe. With all those high moral standards and 'thou shalt not's, and then I should feel guilty for even _existing_ because my dad couldn't keep it in his pants until they were married – at a concert. In public. In a _bathroom, _of all places. It's undignified and gross and why did it even have to be REO Speedwagon? Why couldn't it be some band that wasn't good?"

Under normal circumstances, Phoebe would have inserted a remark about REO Speedwagon being potent music. It's the kind of humor Ralphie would appreciate. Just not now.

"And then they get divorced, which is okay, I guess. I mean, sometimes things don't work out and I can get that. It sucks, but I could get over it. But he just _leaves_ us, and I'm supposed to be okay with it? He runs back to New York – or wherever the hell he is – and doesn't visit or call, and I'm supposed to accept it like she has? He didn't even come to my graduation. He doesn't care where I went to college. I'm supposed to forgive him? HOW?"

They stopped at a light and Phoebe looked over at him. "Well, your mom loved him. She probably really didn't want to divorce him, then after the divorce, he left her and her _son_. You know your mom loves you more than anything, right? She's been hurt by this too. It's not just you."

Ralphie hated that everyone he talked to today was right except him.

"And it's probably hurting her that you're hurting so much about it."

"You're right; she's right." Ralphie sighed. "I just don't think I'll ever be able to go to a Mets game with him like nothing ever happened."

Under normal circumstances, Phoebe would have asked if Ralphie would be able to go to a Mets game and enjoy it anyway.

"Which I would only enjoy if the Mets lost anyway." Ralphie tried smiling a bit. It almost worked. "But still."

They rode a couple blocks in silence before Phoebe started talking. "I don't think you have to be on good terms with him. You just have to be able to forgive what he did so you can get past it. It's for you, not for him."

"It's hard for me to not take it personally, you know?" Ralphie wondered why he apparently had little control over his inner monologue. He blamed Phoebe and her accepting silences. He knew she got people to talk by not asking questions – something Keesha hadn't figured out yet. Keesha threw questions at him like she was the Spanish Inquisition or something. He knew how to dodge Keesha's questions if he wasn't ready to discuss something yet, but it took stamina to be okay with Phoebe's awkward silences.

"You think he left because of _you_?" Phoebe almost laughed. "You realize you have seven best friends who think you're great, a girlfriend who thinks you're amazing, a mother who'd move heaven and earth for you, and you're worried because one guy might have been freaked out that the hook up he had in 1983 turned into a _human being_? Maybe he was afraid of being a father to you. I bet it was less about you and more about him."

Ralphie didn't tell her that he was afraid of disappointing his father. He was afraid he'd driven him away for good. Instead he was quiet, and Phoebe's technique worked just as well against her as it did on everyone else.

"Ralphie – not everyone could recover from your injury the way you did. You're doing excellently in college instead of dwelling on the football career you could have had. Things with Keesha are going well."

"I sing good falsetto." Ralphie tried smiling.

"You have a gift." Phoebe said emphatically.

"You say that about Wanda's scheming."

"It's a gift!" She shrugged.

"And about Carlos's ability to find the single worst possible pun for a situation."

Phoebe shrugged weakly. "He has a gift. What can I say?"

"So I'm not sure having 'a gift' is a good thing." Ralphie was smiling this time. "Why have we passed the McDonald's three times?"

"Because you weren't done yet." Phoebe explained.

"Thanks." Ralphie felt slightly more in control as Phoebe parked the van.

"Are you going to go to therapy?"

"Probably. I guess."

"Are you going to tell Keesha?"

"Yeah." Ralphie shrugged.

"Tell her. She'll be supportive."

"And she's not going to be mad that we just circled the McDonald's so we could have more time to talk?"

Phoebe laughed. "Ralphie, you're with _me_. It's not like you were hanging out with some hot girl that you like."

Ralphie laughed.

"But still – tell her about this. Tell her everything."

"Fine."

* * *

**later that night, at Keesha's house**

"Wait, so you unloaded all your emotional baggage on Phoebe?" Keesha asked.

Ralphie nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me? Ralphie, I'm your girlfriend. You can tell me these things!"

Ralphie had to take time to consider his answer. "This is going to sound dumb." Keesha looked at him expectantly. "Okay, fine. I guess I'm afraid that if you knew this stuff, you'd reject me. Or something. I don't know. I have issues."

"I know you have issues. I was your friend when your dad left, remember? I saw your issues _happen_. If I abandoned you, I would have done it before."

"I told you that you'd think it was dumb."

Keesha sighed. "Look, it just weirds me out that you were comfortable telling Phoebe and not me."

"I told you, though."

"But you told her first."

"She just happened to get there after my mom decided to have another earth-shattering birthday conversation with me."

Keesha still looked hurt. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I don't know." Ralphie said sadly. "Phoebe's just a friend. You mean more to me anyway. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Keesha hugged him. "I don't know what I'd do without you either. You can tell me these things, Ralphie. We can work through this stuff." She was surprised at how jealous she got at Phoebe, of all people. She knew Phoebe would never do anything to hurt her best friend, but she was still a bit insecure that Ralphie wouldn't accidentally ruin everything, and she hated feeling that way. Why couldn't she trust him?

"So I'm going to go to therapy, I guess."

"That's probably good." Keesha put her forehead against his. "I wish we didn't go to college across the state from each other."

"Me too." Ralphie said.

* * *

**The next day  
****en route to Tim's house**

Phoebe picked up Carlos on her way to Tim's. Carlos's parents had tried to give him a beat-up old car they dubbed the Ramonster, but he refused to drive it, instead always getting rides from other members of the gang. When he heard a pair of short beeps, he ran out the door before his parents could say anything.

"Hi!" Phoebe said.

"Hi." Carlos said glumly. He buckled up and stared out the window.

"What's going on?" Phoebe asked.

"You're going to think I'm a terrible person."

_What is with this van?_ Phoebe wondered. "Probably not. Why?"

Carlos thought for a second. He had to make sure he didn't sound like a total jerk. Phoebe didn't say anything, and Carlos hated silence. He started talking before they'd gone a block.

"I don't want to go to Tim's house. I'm kind of sick of Tim."

"Well you two are roommates," Phoebe interjected before Carlos interrupted her train of thought.

"And I thought we were friends, but we have practically nothing in common. He doesn't like Steve Martin. How am I supposed to live with someone with no sense of humor?"

Phoebe paused thoughtfully. "Are you sure you're not just singing the dentist song over and over again?"

"Maybe." Carlos shrugged. "But it's hilarious."

"Just because you think something's hilarious doesn't mean everyone does. You have a tendency to fixate on things and repeat them."

"Because there's humor in repetition." This was obvious. "Look at Monty Python!"

"But it can irritate people." Phoebe said gently but firmly.

Carlos sighed. "So I need new jokes. Story of my life."

"I'm sure you and Tim can find something you have in common. You've been friends for over ten years!"

"But we're not tight." Carlos said.

"Give it time. I bet you two will be inseparable soon!"

"But how?" Carlos wondered. "Tim never got into crazy antics the way Ralphie does, he puts up with my crap more than Arnold does, and he's not magnetically attracted to me like DA was…"

"Tim's different." Phoebe explained before Carlos could explain the special bonds he apparently shared with the rest of the girls. "He'll put up with you talking about the Eagles, but he's much more into movies."

"How do you know all this stuff about everyone?" Carlos asked.

"I don't know - I pay attention. And I remember things." Phoebe shrugged.

"Why have we passed Tim's house twice?"

"Because you weren't done." _What is it with this van?_

"Thanks, Pheebs."

"You're welcome." She parked the van and smiled.

"Why are you so wise beyond your years?" Carlos put a hand on Phoebe's face.

"I told you. I listen to people."

"You're golden, Pheebs."

"Please take your hand off my face."

* * *

**later that day  
****at Tim's house**

The gang had spent the day sledding, watching movies, and hanging out. Phoebe managed to pull Arnold aside.

"I have something weird to tell you." She said.

"What?" Arnold asked warily.

"Over the last two days, I've had to give two of the guys rides by themselves, and they both started unloading their problems on me. Is that weird?"

"I don't know," Arnold was wondering why this was weird. Everyone knew Phoebe was a good listener - especially when she was driving you somewhere and was a captive audience. She just sat there in silence, which usually forced the other person to talk. It was either brilliantly evil or accidentally evil. "Who was it?"

"Ralphie and Carlos."

"Ralphie's was about his dad, right?" Again, everyone knew Ralphie had issues with his father. Well, Arnold probably knew more than most, since he got to listen to Ralphie rage and whine all the way from Pittsburgh on fall break.

"I - wonder if I should even talk about this." Phoebe knew therapists had confidentiality agreements, and wondered if this should apply to her.

"You're too good." Arnold smiled. "Give me a ride home?"

"Fine, but you have to tell me your problems before we get in the van." Phoebe negotiated. "I don't know that I can handle another mopey guy in the front seat."

Arnold tried thinking about his problems. "I finished _A Game of Thrones_ and I need the second book. I hated the engineering classes I took because my parents made me. I really liked my philosophy class and I can feel my parents wanting to kill me for thinking it. My girlfriend lives across the state. You already know all my problems."

"I think you should change your major." Phoebe said. "You've been talking about being a lawyer since third grade."

"I know." Arnold sighed. "But apparently – I don't know."

Phoebe didn't say anything.

"Dammit, Phoebe." Arnold laughed. "Why don't you ask questions?"

"I'm giving people a chance to talk for once." She shrugged.

* * *

**meanwhile, somewhere else in Tim's house…**

Carlos was back to his default team-builder: telling jokes. Ralphie was looking sullen, so Carlos had brought out the big guns and asked for Wanda's favorite joke.

"Knock knock," Wanda said.

"Who's there?" Carlos asked. Wanda hit him across the face.

"WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!" She laughed.

"You missed the part about the KGB." DA pointed out.

"It's still funny." Carlos shrugged. "Why, DA, you think you have a better joke?"

"Well!" DA's face brightened. "A chemist and a physicist walk into a bar…"

"This sounds awful." Carlos whined.

"The chemist says, 'I'll have H20,'" DA continued, "And the physicist, trying to impress the chemist, says, 'I'll have H20 too!' When the waiter brought it out, the physicist drank it and died." Carlos and DA laughed, with Ralphie following a moment later. Wanda, Keesha, and Tim looked at each other and shrugged. Ralphie looked sheepishly at Keesha. The last thing they needed was something else, no matter how dumb, to come between them.

"Why?" Wanda asked. She saw that Ralphie and Keesha were having some sort of drama. This was yet another reason why she wasn't going to date anyone. Especially not anyone from the group – she'd avoid drama while also dooming DA's theory. It was the perfect plan.

"H202 is hydrogen peroxide. It's a poison," DA explained.

"Good one, DA!" Carlos high-fived her. DA grinned. She liked it when others appreciated her chemistry humor.

"But why wouldn't the chemist warn the physicist that he was about to die?" Tim asked. "That seems a little evil, don't you think?"

"It's a _joke_, Tim." DA said a bit more harshly than she expected. Tim was hurt. He'd half-hoped that he and DA could – well, he wasn't exactly sure. She was so bent on being scholarly. She'd made it clear she had no time for him. Ugh. Feelings were stupid.

"Tell your joke, Tim," Carlos said, thinking of ways he could be a better friend to his roommate.

"Your mama's so classless; she could be a Marxist utopia." Tim said.

"That's – actually pretty good." Carlos laughed. Tim smiled at him. Maybe being roommates with Carlos wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

**author's note: **hooray for ending it on a higher note than it began! Coming up next: the end of freshman year. Will the gang survive? Will they be consumed by drama and sadness? What about the rogue Janet wandering around…

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	7. distractions

**chapter 6: distractions  
**

* * *

**January 13, 2003  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

Analytical chemistry was the perfect major. Now that her generals were out of her way, DA had to take nothing but chemistry and math, spending her time researching and analyzing compounds. She wasn't sure exactly what that would look like after she got her PhD, but she could definitely see herself paying attention to tiny details affecting chemical structure and experiments for years. Her professors seemed to recognize her natural talent and her long hours studying in the library were paying off, even if her advisor was slightly pessimistic about the job market for independent researchers. DA didn't want to sell out and she didn't want to teach, but she was talented and hardworking. She'd find something.

Of course, she did allow herself to get distracted by a few things – like the book she'd borrowed from Arnold. The political intrigue was fascinating, even though Carlos had already told her the big twist. She handed it back to Arnold. "So who ends up on the throne?"

"I'm reading the second book." He explained. "No change yet."

"Should he be hearing this?" DA asked, indicating Ralphie with her head.

"I know everything." Ralphie shrugged.

"Read it." Arnold handed him the book. "I'm requiring it to be my roommate." Carlos had told Arnold about setting required reading for Tim. If requiring reading had worked on Tim, it'd definitely work on Ralphie.

"Fine." Ralphie sighed.

"Well it's time for lab!" DA exclaimed.

"Chemistry makes you way too happy." Ralphie shook his head. "I'm dreading O chem."

"It's not that bad," She shrugged and walked away. Lab was her favorite, because – well, she had to admit, the chemistry TA in her section was very good looking. And smart. And good looking. He recognized and appreciated her intelligence – and possibly her beauty as well. They'd had several flirty exchanges last semester that left her feeling flattered that a graduate student would take an interest in her. She may or may not have picked this section on purpose.

"Hey, if it isn't Dorothy Ann!" He drawled. Also he was from the South. DA's weakness for Southern accents had apparently come from her father. Her mom had been from Alabama and had come to St. Paul for a seminar when she'd bewitched DA's father with her soft, feminine ways. DA had tried forbidding herself to have romantic feelings, but that was difficult when Troy from Texas was around. He was the perfect mix of rugged cowboy and brilliant chemist. He was her perfect man.

"Hey, Troy," She blushed. She was sure he'd ask her out, if he weren't her TA. "How's your research coming?"

"Great, as always," he grinned.

_Damn that theory._ DA thought as she noted how perfect Troy's teeth were. She had to figure out what sections he was teaching next year so she could not take them, as horrible as that seemed. She needed a hobby that didn't involve chemistry grad students. If she dated Troy, she'd be wrong. She thought it could be worth it… if she ever heard the end of it from Wanda.

"You know, we need work study students in the lab," Troy said quietly as he pulled her aside. "We could really use you."

"I don't know if that's a good idea." DA tried.

"Why not? You're probably the best freshman chemistry major we've ever seen! Besides, you'd get some hands-on experience with research. You do want to go into research, don't you? This will look great on a grad school application." DA couldn't help it. He was gorgeous and brilliant, and he needed her help.

"That sounds great." DA breathed.

* * *

**February 10, 2003  
****Philadelphia University  
****Philadelphia, PA**

"Have you been seeing your therapist?" Keesha asked.

"Yes, jeez." Ralphie was rolling his eyes, she could tell, even over the phone. Phoebe was wrong about his gift – the falsetto was weird. Eye rolling was what Ralphie was strangely gifted at.

"And?"

"And… it's… fine?"

"You're going to have to tell me more than that." Keesha was exasperated. "You don't seem to have a problem telling Arnold things. Or DA. Or Phoebe, for that matter."

"God, Keesha! Can you let it go? I explained it already. I said I was sorry."

"Why won't you tell me what's going on?"

"Look – DA is _here_, that's it. They were here hanging out when I came back from my session, so I told them about it. That's all, okay?" Ralphie was frustrated. "And you know I'm going to tell Arnold things. We've known each other longer than I've known you."

Keesha bit her lip. This wasn't going well. Things had sucked ever since Ralphie had decided that everyone except Keesha was his amateur therapist. Keesha had tried not being jealous. Phoebe had reassured her that nothing had happened on Ralphie's birthday – nothing would ever happen. Keesha couldn't help it, though, and now Ralphie was 300 miles away, but a floor away from DA, who was so gorgeous and blonde… She loved Ralphie, but hated who she was becoming.

"Let's just – let's not talk about it." She said.

"Okay."

"How's class?"

"Fine, I guess." He waited a second. "I, uh… am liking physiology."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"I actually have a stats project…" It had never been this difficult to talk to him before.

"Yeah, I should go. I've got a paper to write."

"Okay. Love you." Keesha sighed.

"Love you too."

* * *

**February 15, 2003  
****Mission State University  
****San Diego, CA**

Wanda had the odd experience of being immersed in a business proposal for hours and the time flying by. She enjoyed it more than she ever imagined. She was easily the star of her marketing class. It made sense – she was a natural hype woman. She just had to get through accounting classes, meet a hot business guy that also surfed, pass college, marry the guy, get rich, throw it all in DA's face, and she'd be golden. She took a quick break from her homework and noticed that Phoebe was online. Being Wanda, she dispensed with pleasantries and got to the point.

**Wanda**: Yo Pheebs, you should mail me that book

**Phoebe**: You want to read it?

**Phoebe**: !

**Wanda**: is that how you type that noise you make when you think we'll all get married?

**Phoebe**: I guess!

**Wanda**: MAIL ME THE BOOK! I hate being left out!

**Phoebe**: I wish you didn't live in California.

**Wanda**: Awesome people live in California. We should all live in California.

**Phoebe**: Arnold likes the winter too much.

**Wanda**: MAIL ME THE BOOK!

**Phoebe**: I need to get it back from DA. Arnold lent it to her.

**Wanda**: MAKE HER MAIL ME THE BOOK!

**Wanda**: Did you know that Ralphie wears hospital socks?

**Phoebe**: What? How would I know that?

**Wanda**: Arnold doesn't tell you these things?

**Phoebe**: No, Arnold doesn't tell me things like what his roommate has on his feet. He tells me important things.

**Wanda**: Like what? Like he wishes you were banging?

**Wanda**: …

**Wanda**: ARE YOU THERE?

**Wanda**: did you die from embarrassment? Was it that easy?

**Phoebe**: I had to go to the bathroom.

**Wanda**: Oh. Well I have to finish off this project.

**Phoebe**: What project?

**Wanda**: I have a project for my business class. I actually like this business stuff. Tiffany was a genius for recommending this to me.

**Phoebe**: so are you changing your major?

**Wanda**: Yeah. There was no hilarious goats video in psych. Why did you all lie to me?

* * *

**March 4, 2003  
****University of New Jersey  
****New Brunswick, NJ**

"So why are you studying chemistry then?" Tim wondered.

"I don't know, biology just seems overdone." Carlos shrugged. "Everyone who's pre-med or pre-dent or pre-vet goes into biology. It makes the curve practically impossible, because everyone's an overachiever."

"Is it because DA is studying chemistry?" Fortunately, the guys had found enough common ground with Marxist yo mama jokes and Dave Matthews Band concerts playing late at night on the college's free cable that Tim felt comfortable bringing up DA – the subject in which they had most in common.

Carlos shrugged again. "Maybe. I'm better at chemistry than she is anyway."

"Bullshit." Tim laughed. "DA knows everything."

"She just _thinks_ she knows everything." Carlos said. "She's talented, but I work harder."

"Because you have to catch up."

"You still have a thing for her." Carlos observed. He was brilliant. Keesha could take her psychology major and shove it.

"I guess." Tim looked at Carlos to see if he'd pull a Phoebe, but Carlos couldn't be quiet for more than a few seconds at a time.

"Whatever, man. Go for it if you get a chance. I don't care." Carlos lied. Fighting over a girl was the best way to ruin his new best friendship. _Move over Ralphie, with your will-they-won't-they-gay-thing with Arnold. Tim is cooler and unambiguously straight_.

"But you do care." Tim was smarter than Carlos had thought. "Look, she doesn't like me. She doesn't have time for anyone – she says. So I'm just going to move on. There's this girl in my experimental chemistry class –" he started.

"Experimental chemistry? That sounds hot."

"I think she's going into civil engineering, too…" Tim continued.

"So she's the one girl in the engineering department." Carlos joked.

"No!" Tim retorted. "There's more than one."

"Five?"

"Closer." He shrugged.

"Why'd you choose engineering if you wanted to meet girls?" Carlos asked. Tim wondered the same thing.

* * *

**March 10, 2003  
****Philadelphia University  
****Philadelphia, PA**

Phoebe was always extra-careful as she went in and out of her room. Janet lived nearby, but she'd never figured out exactly where. She could be anywhere at any time, and Phoebe couldn't afford to have Janet hate her even more than she already did, not with how serious things were with Arnold. So as she pulled her reflective jacket on early in the morning to go for a run, she was doing everything as quietly as she had perfected over the last several months. She shut the door nearly silently and stepped out into the hall when she heard a voice behind her.

"What are you doing up so early?" Janet asked. She was wearing workout clothes as well, and had a bag over her shoulder.

"Um… running?" Phoebe tried to sound sure of herself. It rarely worked when she was thinking about it.

"From what?" Janet prodded.

Phoebe didn't have a good answer for that. "I just felt like running." She'd run cross country in high school and had been in the paper a few times – usually for stuff like tripping into the mud and getting spiked in the head before getting up to finish the race, but still, she was in the paper. She hadn't been good enough for college, but still ran a decent amount to keep stress and the unlimited mashed potatoes in the dining hall at bay. She couldn't let Janet push her buttons. She tried to remember how Arnold had acted during senior year of high school. He hadn't put up with her. Phoebe knew she had to ask, "What are you doing up early anyway?"

"Yoga." Janet held up her mat. "Obviously."

"Right." Phoebe looked at her watch. Her attempt at trying to be authoritative had flopped again. Running into Janet made her anxious, which made her wish she had time for a longer run, which made her wonder why she was stuck talking to Janet, getting more anxious.

"You're still dating my cousin?" Janet asked. She could tell Phoebe was getting antsy, which was making her uncomfortable, which was amusing. It would be worth missing yoga to see this.

"Um… yeah." Phoebe took a single deep breath.

"And how is that going?"

"Fine." Phoebe began fidgeting with the zipper on her jacket.

"You two are serious then?"

"I guess."

Janet searched for another topic of conversation. She needed to keep Phoebe there, if only to be contrary. "What's your major again?"

"Biology. Animal biology."

"So zoology then?"

"Well, not technically. Technically it's just biology with an animal biology emphasis."

"What are you going to do with that?" Janet had a feeling she knew, but still.

"Vet school." Phoebe realized she was being detained, and all she could do was be polite. "What are you studying?"

"Political science." Janet said proudly. She normally enjoyed talking about herself, but Phoebe looked less uncomfortable when the tables were turned. "I'm going to go to an Ivy League law school."

"That sounds great." Phoebe looked at her watch again. "I should be –"

"Where are you applying to vet school?"

"Franklin University. Arnold is looking at grad school there too." Phoebe explained.

"So you'll be together again in grad school. How sweet." Janet said sarcastically. "Franklin's Ivy League. What if you don't get in?"

"I know what I have to do." Phoebe said.

"And what if Arnold doesn't get in?"

"He'll get in." Phoebe said more firmly. She needed to end this conversation. "I really have to go - don't you have class?"

"It's not for credit." Janet shrugged. "I just thought we could get to know each other better."

"Um, well… it's good to talk to you. I have to run." Phoebe said and started walking past Janet, toward the stairwell. It felt liberating to just walk away. _Carlos would have appreciated that pun_, she thought, grateful for her mind wandering to something less anxiety-producing. Soon, she'd be in the park and all her cares would melt away. She just had to get down these stairs…

"But - wait! How are you and Arnold getting along when you're across the state from each other?" She called.

Phoebe turned around and said, "Fine," in a low voice, then made a point of looking around. It was before 6 am, and anyone could complain about noise in the hall. "See you around." She whispered. She looked at her watch again. If she cut her shower short, she could tack on an extra mile or two to process through what just happened.

* * *

**March 14, 2003  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

"Pre-law isn't a major, Arnold!" Mr. Perlstein argued. "I thought you were going to go into engineering. It's the most logical thing you could do with your rock obsession."

Environmental engineering had seemed like a good solution, except that Arnold hated it. It was so cold and analytical. He cared more about helping people by talking to them than by managing sewers. Tim was enjoying his engineering classes, so Arnold knew it was a personal problem rather than an engineering problem. He was afraid of telling his father what his favorite course had been the previous semester: the class about logic and arguments. His parents would freak because it was a philosophy class. He'd be able to hear their dreams dying from Pittsburgh.

"I can figure out a major. I just know I want to go to law school."

"And be a _lawyer_?" His father spat.

"A LAWYER?" His mother echoed.

"You know, most parents think it's a noble profession. I could be a force for good."

"You know lawyers have a terrible reputation." Mr. Perlstein said. "And law school is prohibitively expensive."

"Thanks, Dad." Arnold sighed.

"Fine, it's your life. It's your money, son."

"I know."

"And we'll love you no matter what."

"I love you too."

"But you won't be able to live at home if you can't find a job."

"Okay." Arnold shrugged. He could always crash on Ralphie's couch.

* * *

**March 20, 2003  
****University of New Jersey  
****New Brunswick, NJ**

Carlos loved riling people up, so when he saw that Wanda was online, he made sure to put the best spoiler as his name and said hello.

**Wanda wants to read the stupid book**: so DA gave the book to Ralphie instead of me

**Ned Stark gets beheaded**: that loser!

**Wanda**: What does your name mean?

**Ned**: You need to read the book. Have you tried the library?

**Wanda**: When I can get someone to do the work for me? Are you kidding?

**Ned**: I'm so glad you're in California and not cheating off my homework.

**Wanda**: I like to get things right, loser.

**Ned**: I'm smarter than everyone gives me credit for

**Wanda**: only a little. So tell me something embarrassing about Tim.

**Ned**: why?

**Wanda**: because I can't find out myself. Does he have Superman underwear or something?

**Tim wears Superman underwear**: no.

**Wanda**: your name is incredibly confusing, Carlos.

**Tim**: No it isn't.

**Tim**: I'm not going to embarrass him. We're friends.

**Wanda**: I think you're confused.

**Tim**: About?

**Wanda**: Life.

**Carlos is the best**: better?

**Wanda**: better if you change that to be Tim's name.

Carlos ran to Tim's computer and opened it up. It wasn't unlocked. Perfect.

**Carlos is the best**: Like this?

**Wanda**: now there are two of you.

**Carlos**: Your dreams have come true.

**Wanda**: my nightmares.

"What the hell are you doing at my computer?" Tim asked.

Carlos looked around. "Nothing…"

"Seriously, get away from there!" Tim said angrily.

"Sorry! It was a joke!"

Tim looked at the screen. "This is all you did?"

"Yes!" Carlos had his hands up.

"Seriously, don't get on my computer when I'm not here."

"Why, do you have secret documents or something on there?"

"Just leave my stuff alone, okay?"

* * *

**March 23, 2003  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

Arnold was studying in the library, leaving Ralphie alone in their room. It was time. He knew it. His therapist knew it. Everyone knew it except one person. Ralphie could feel his stomach convulsing and his palms sweat as he dialed. "Hey, Keesha, can we talk?"

"Okay…" She knew something was up. He just had to say it and get it over with.

"I… uh…" Why did words always fail him when he needed them not to?

"Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay." He couldn't dodge questions any longer. "We're not okay, Keesha."

"I know." She sounded sad.

"And it's not working. I wish it was – but it's not. It's just too hard, Keesha, and I'm going through all this shit with my dad and –"

"Wait – what? Ralphie, do you know what day it is?"

"No…"

"It's a year since we went to prom."

"Shit." Ralphie said. "I'm shit with dates."

"Fine, whatever." Keesha huffed. "So we're over?"

"Yeah." He could feel himself shaking a bit. This sucked. This sucked worse than his knee getting blown out. There was nothing to say. "Sorry."

"I know." She hung up. Ralphie threw himself face-down on the bed and yelled swear words, hoping that would help. It didn't. Nothing helped.

After some time, Arnold came in. "What happened?"

"I'm an asshole." Ralphie said.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Philly…**

Keesha was sobbing on her bed when Phoebe came back from mass.

"What happened?" Phoebe gasped as the door closed. She was afraid of what would come next – Keesha's grandma had been doing just fine lately, and…

"Ralphie just dumped me. On our anniversary."

"NO!"

"What an asshole." She sobbed, sitting up.

"Oh, Keesha!" Phoebe sat on the bed next to her and hugged her. "I'm so sorry."

"I should've seen it coming. We haven't been the same since –"

"Oh God. I ruined your relationship." Phoebe's eyes widened.

"No," Keesha sniffled. "I did. I got jealous. And Ralphie has his daddy issues to work out… it's for the best, I guess. But he's an asshole to dump me on our anniversary."

"That's terrible." Phoebe felt sympathy tears welling up.

"Can we get some ice cream?" Keesha suggested. She needed to get out of this room, even if it was just for a quick run to the store.

"Let's go." Phoebe said.

"Put some pants on." Keesha laughed. Phoebe quickly changed out of her skirt. "This is going to call for the good stuff."

"My treat." Phoebe offered.

Keesha stopped crying for a while at the store. They got back to the dorm and consumed the ice cream and listened to all the Alanis Morissette that Keesha had.

Phoebe felt useless. There was nothing she could do. "What can I do to help you?" She asked.

"You could sing me a song." Keesha offered.

"A breakup song? Seriously?"

"Well, if you're going to serenade me with breakup songs, I think I'll be okay."

"Already?" Phoebe asked.

Keesha shrugged. "No, but the ice cream was good. I'm not over it. I don't know what I'll say when I see him this summer."

Phoebe nodded.

"If I saw him right now, I'd probably punch him in the face."

Phoebe nodded again.

"Dammit, Phoebe, say something."

Phoebe didn't really have anything to say. She was wondering how this would affect her hanging out with Arnold this summer. Keesha had been less patient with boyfriend stuff before she was dating Ralphie, and the two sets of best friends dating each other had made things blissfully easy. "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"Me too." Keesha stared out the window. "Maybe I should read that book everyone's talking about."

"YES." Phoebe said. "You need to read it."

"Now I have time."

"Just don't talk to Carlos."

"Oh, he's been putting spoilers as his IM screen name."

"I need to forbid him from reading the third book." Phoebe noted. "Not until you all finish it."

"It's that good, huh?" Keesha was willing to give it a shot. "It'll give me something to talk to Ralphie about besides him being an asshole."

"But if the theory's right, he's got to stop being an asshole, because we all have to stay friends."

"You mean like how DA and Carlos are so tight after they broke up?" Keesha laughed. "It's going to be a while before I can hang out with Ralphie again."

Phoebe hoped that she'd still be able to see Arnold, but doubted that Keesha would be as patient. This summer would be tricky. Maybe re-reading _A Game of Thrones_ would help her navigate it.

"Maybe DA will come hang out with us for Spring Break." Keesha wondered out loud. "I haven't heard from her in a while. Mind if I give her a call?"

"Go for it." Phoebe shrugged.

"Yo, DA!" Keesha said, putting DA on speakerphone.

"What's going on?" DA asked. She sounded distracted.

"Want to come to Philly for Spring Break?"

"You want to get the gang back together again?"

"Yeah! Well – no. Just you. And Wanda, if she weren't in stupid California."

"Why not the guys?"

"Ralphie just dumped me." Keesha said. She was trying to become okay with it, but she wasn't. Then again, it had only been a few hours.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Is this a bad time?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, hi Phoebe – um, yeah. I'm – uh – studying."

"What's going on?" A male voice asked on the line with DA. Keesha and Phoebe exchanged a look.

"Um sure I'll come up for Spring Break I'll IM you later gotta go bye." DA said quickly before hanging up.

"Well, that was weird." Phoebe said.

* * *

**meanwhile, in Pittsburgh…**

DA left the bathroom in her dorm. She hadn't closed the door when she was talking on the phone. Troy was exactly how and where she'd left him – looking a bit rumpled and on her bed. This was very good and very bad. This could ruin her academic future, or it could be the beginning of something amazing. DA was letting herself get too distracted by Troy and that dang book, which is why, as Troy kissed her, all she could think was, "The things I do for love…"

* * *

**author's note**: well, that was depressing.

"I just felt like running" is, of course, from _Forrest Gump_.

"The things I do for love" is from _A Game of Thrones_. DA is not Jaime Lannister, don't worry. Troy isn't related to her at all.

Is dreamboat Troy going to screw up the theory? Will DA come to her right mind? Is Keesha going to punch Ralphie when they next see each other? Will Tim meet a girl in his engineering class? Will Carlos tell a funny joke so the next chapter won't be a total downer? Will Phoebe run back and forth across the country for three years? There are so many questions!

Up next: half of sophomore year, character discussions in _A Song of Ice and Fire_, more drama, shirtless pirates, and noise complaints.


	8. unraveling

**author's note:** As a warning: as drama ramps up, so does some of the language. More spoilers are ahead, through _A Clash of Kings_ or season 2 of _Game of Thrones_. There's an inferred spoiler for _A Storm of Swords_/season 3 of _Game of Thrones_ as well.

* * *

**chapter 7: unraveling**

**March 30, 2003  
****Philadelphia University  
****Philadelphia, PA**

DA had briefly considered blowing off her trip to Philly. Her night with Troy had been divine. Unfortunately, it would get them both dismissed from the lab if they were caught. Troy wouldn't look at her in public, in case someone would find out. After their indiscretion, Troy had called it off. There was no way his advisor could find out; he'd be kicked out of his program. DA knew that her chances at the combined bachelor's/master's program would be shot if _her_ advisor found out. How could she have been so stupid?

It hadn't even taken her one year of college to potentially dash her dreams. It was all because she let herself get distracted. As long as no one found out, she'd still be able to take graduate level courses starting next year. She'd graduate a year behind the rest of her friends, but she'd have two degrees. She resolved to stop reading those damn fantasy books and talking to guys – except _the _guys. Ralphie was kind of adorable in his vulnerable emotional turmoil. _Dammit_, DA thought. _What is wrong with me? _She had to figure out a way to balance her apparent need for companionship with her actual need to be a credentialed genius.

Spring break with Keesha and Phoebe is what she needed. She'd get all the distractions out of her mind, then go back to school with renewed focus. She'd forget about Troy and everything that happened. She had made a mistake, but it was due to her youth. Even geniuses made mistakes.

It was interesting to see Keesha and Phoebe's hall – and the way Phoebe tiptoed around Janet. The girls watched movies and talked about everything. It was like high school again, except DA couldn't afford to tell them about Troy. She knew Phoebe would talk to Arnold, who'd talk to Ralphie, who was taking chemistry courses and couldn't keep a secret to save his life. It was too risky. With that notable exception, it was refreshing – exactly what DA needed to get her ready for her final stretch of freshman year.

* * *

**May 6, 2003  
****University of New Jersey  
****New Brunswick, NJ**

Finals were brutal. Tim and Carlos hadn't had time to play Halo, which was way better than GoldenEye, and not just because Carlos had new and exciting hiding spots. Before they knew it, their first year of college was almost over and they had time to discuss _A Song of Ice and Fire_. Pretty much everyone but Wanda had made it through the second book. DA had made a huge point of going on hiatus around spring break, but she eventually caved when Arnold and Ralphie wouldn't stop talking about it.

"I told you college wasn't going to be that bad." Carlos shrugged.

"You were a total idiot about it, though." Tim retorted. "You couldn't find half of your classes consistently until midterms."

"I have four years to find my way around this place. There's no rush. Campus is big." Carlos admitted. He hated these conversations with Tim that could turn ugly. He liked it a lot better when they were best friends. He had to change the subject. "So, in more important things: Ralphie is the gay king. With the flowers."

"So Ralphie is Renly Baratheon and Arnold's the Knight of Flowers?" Tim laughed. He remembered details more easily than Carlos did. "Ralphie _looks_ like a Baratheon."

"And he's totally gay for Arnold." Carlos said, then revised the statement: "They're gay for each other."

"Phoebe's probably Sansa." Tim continued, and Carlos nodded vigorously. "What with her idealism and obsessing over everyone getting married."

"Wanda's a wildling." Carlos said. "Or that one perverted chick that hit on her brother. Wanda's pervy like that. The pirate one."

"Asha Greyjoy." Tim laughed. "DA looks like a Lannister…"

"She's probably one of those maester guys." Carlos said. "Or she's that one fat guy that was supposed to be a warrior but loved to read and dance and that gay shit."

"Sam Tarly?" Tim asked. "You're making DA a fat guy?"

"Why not?" Carlos shrugged.

"She's much more like … I don't know, a girl. She likes being right, like Cersei, but she's much less evil. And she's not tough enough to be Brienne of Tarth… she could be that Margaery chick."

"So she marries Gay Baratheon?" Carlos laughed. "Poor DA. Then again, marrying Ralphie would probably be just about as pointless."

"You're probably Tyrion – because you're short and ugly and you'd need to pay women to sleep with you." Tim chided.

"Shut up. You're boring and asexual. Like Stannis." Before Tim could argue, Carlos sat at Tim's computer and changed his IM display name to _Stannis Baratheon, First of His Name, Boring as Hell and "King" of Westeros_. Tim had gotten somewhat used to Carlos invading his privacy, and had figured that if he couldn't beat him, he'd join him. Tim changed Carlos's display name to _Tyrion Whoresbane, Disfigured Dwarf and Spoiler of Books_.

"Stannis the Boring, Arnold wants to talk to you."

"Move over," Tim pushed Carlos out of his desk chair. Carlos often wreaked havoc on IM by pretending he was other members of the gang.

**Arnold: **That is the best thing I've seen all day.

**Stannis: **btw, you're the Knight of Flowers

**Stannis**: and Ralphie is Gay Baratheon.

**Arnold**: Are you kidding? Although I'm definitely an awesome fighter, like Loras, Ralphie's Jon Snow for the daddy issues alone.

**Stannis**: I command you to change your screen names.

**Arnold**: I have a final though. I need to go.

**Stannis**: DO IT!

On Tim's insistence, Carlos opened a window to Arnold.

**Tyrion**: DO IT!

**Arnold**: What?

**Robb Stark, King in the North, Hero of the Whole Series, and Acer of Finals**: This?

**Tyrion**: DAMMIT ARNOLD.

Phoebe got online and Carlos didn't waste any time IMing her.

**Tyrion**: Sansa, annoying teenage girl who's obsessed with everyone getting married, change your screen name!

**Phoebe**: I am so glad you all read the books! Now you'll understand what I'm talking about. Except you can't read the third book until everyone's done.

**Tyrion**: But I want to!

**Phoebe**: Valar morghulis, Carlos.

**Tyrion**: What does that even mean?

**Phoebe**: All men must die. I have Wanda and Keesha on my side. They will cut you.

**Tyrion**: Fine.

**Phoebe**: Interesting that you decided you're Tyrion…

**Tyrion**: Tim and I decided you're Sansa. So you're Arnold's sister. Maybe you are Jaime and Cersei, my douchebag siblings who bang, yet make fun of me when I'm obviously cooler than you.

**Jeyne Westerling (you'll get it later)**: not his sister.

Meanwhile, Tim was working on Wanda.

**Wanda**: HELL NO I AM THE DRAGON LADY

**DRAGON LADY, BITCHES**: SEE?!

**Stannis**: She has a name.

**Khaleesi the Dragon Lady**: Better?

**Stannis**: *sigh*

Another window popped up.

**Renly the Gay Baratheon, Who Was Too Lame to Live through the Second Book**: Yo big brother, I bang dudes

**Stannis**: Wait… Ralphie?

**Renly**: Nope, Carlos. Ralphie's password is really easy to guess.

**Stannis**: You know he's going to kill you.

**Renly**: Nah, Ralphie's all talk.

**Stannis**: You know he's going to have Arnold kill you.

**Renly**: that is a distinct possibility.

"Seriously, Carlos, log off." Tim said aloud.

"Oh, now you can actually _talk_ to me?"

* * *

**August 9, 2003  
****Walker Lake  
****Walkerville, PA**

Summer in Walkerville was different than the last summer had been. The gang was used to independence, and the events of the last year had made being together again a little bizarre. Keesha had steeled herself for her first interaction with Ralphie, when the gang picked Wanda up at the airport. Ralphie had avoided her, so she went up to him. "Let's not make this awkward. It's good to see you again." She said frankly.

"It's good to see you too." Ralphie had said, hoping she wasn't going to punch him in the face. She never did. She hugged him quickly. It was only mildly terrible.

Phoebe and Arnold had bonded over being the first ones to read _A Storm of Swords_, although it made Arnold regret his screen name, which he changed to just "Robb Stark." Phoebe despaired that her copy of _A Game of Thrones_ hadn't made it back entirely in one piece or without smelling bad, but she figured she'd buy the gang their own copies of the books for their birthdays or something.

They were having a bonfire at Walker Lake before Keesha and Phoebe had to leave for RA training. Arnold and Phoebe were sitting on a rock overlooking the lake, away from the group. It was hard to be alone when they were staying at their parents' houses or cramming as much time as a group together as they could. Things just weren't the same anymore: Wanda and Tiffany had joined a sorority. Tim and Carlos had a bitterly sarcastic rapport which made it looked like they hated each other, but it was hard to tell if they really did or not. It seemed they didn't even know. DA was hiding something from everyone. Ralphie was depressed, Keesha was bitter, and it was all Arnold and Phoebe could manage to just be normal. It was the one constant that was left. They were the only couple in the group now, so when they went off alone, they had six people to tease them or otherwise try to interrupt.

"I don't want to go back to school." Phoebe sighed into Arnold's shoulder.

"It seems like every time we talk anymore, it's about how it sucks to be far apart or it's great to be back together." Arnold lamented.

"I know." Phoebe bit her lip. "But this year went by fast. Only a few more until we have grad school. Then we can be together."

Arnold wondered what it would be like to be with Phoebe all the time. It wasn't as exciting to be around her anymore. He loved her; he was just out of the infatuation phase, he told himself. "Carnegie State has a great biology program." Arnold offered. "You could transfer."

"I couldn't do that to Keesha." Phoebe said. "Would you transfer to Philly?"

"I think Ralphie would spontaneously combust." Arnold said. "Or DA would move in on him, which is crap."

"Wait, what?" Phoebe pulled away. This didn't work with the plan. Ralphie and Keesha would get back together. Everything was supposed to be perfect, like it was at prom.

"DA's advisor is trying to talk her out of grad school, and she's responding by going ever so slightly insane."

"Insane like how?"

"I don't know. Something happened just before spring break. She won't tell anyone." Arnold shrugged. "And apparently Ralphie is like a lost puppy, and she thinks she likes him."

Phoebe furrowed her brow. DA and Ralphie? That was interesting. That would mean Keesha and Wanda would have to divvy up Tim and Carlos, and…

"He made me promise I'd keep him from dating, though." Arnold said.

"Carlos is so going to think you're keeping him for yourself." Phoebe teased.

"Let him think it." Arnold shrugged. "Maybe I would, if I didn't have you."

"Please don't dump me for Ralphie."

"I won't." Arnold said. "He's a mess. You've got things figured out. The baseball thing's about a wash, though. He's not lanky enough. Or… female enough. Or Boston enough."

Phoebe laughed. "That's good to hear."

Meanwhile, Wanda was trying to find things to throw in the fire. She'd been especially entranced in watching the pizza box burn. Napkins were boring, but that's almost all she had left. Wanda was usually incredibly entertaining, but she had something on her mind and was compensating by poking the fire with sticks. This left no alternative for Carlos. He once again tasked himself with breaking the awkward silence of the group. He looked around the fire.

"Yo Ralphie, what's your favorite joke?" Carlos asked.

"You mean besides my life?" He couldn't help remarking.

"Well that was a total downer." Wanda said, throwing in a few leaves.

"Things will get better for you," Tim looked at Ralphie sympathetically.

Keesha cleared her throat. "So, Pavlov walks into a bar. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The phone rings and he says, 'Shit! I forgot to feed my dog!'"

Ralphie laughed. It felt good to laugh. So far the only bright spot this summer was that the Phillies had beaten the Red Sox two games in a row. He'd gone to one of the games with his mom – probably the last game he'd get to see at the Vet before the team got their new ballpark. Phoebe had gone with her dad and uncle, and Ralphie had rubbed it in Phoebe's face so much that Dr. T told him to cut it out. He'd learned proper trash talking from his mother, so he knew he'd probably gone too far.

"Good one, Keesha!" Carlos grinned.

"Okay." Ralphie took a deep breath. "A guy walks into the New York Public Library and asks for a library card. The librarian tells him to prove he's from New York, so he stabs her."

Tim laughed harder than he wanted to. "That's awful, Ralphie."

"That was violent." Keesha said. She was a bit wary of Ralphie when he was like this. Arnold and Phoebe rejoined the group. Desperate to change the mood, Keesha called to Arnold, "Yo Arnold! What's your favorite joke?"

"A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog vendor and says, 'Make me one with everything.'" Arnold grinned. After a moment, Phoebe giggled. The rest of the gang joined in, except Ralphie, who was smiling.

"The monk paid for the hot dog with a $20, and the vendor put the money in the cash box," Ralphie said. "The monk asks, 'Where's my change?' And the vendor replies,"

"'Change comes from within,'" Arnold and Ralphie said at the same time before bursting out into laughter. Wanda threw the bag that had once held the breadsticks in the fire after making sure there was no plastic in it. She'd made that mistake before.

"Okay, Phoebe," Carlos said. "What's your favorite joke?"

Phoebe looked serious. "The Aristocrats." She said. Carlos's eyes widened.

"Do you even _know_ that one?"

"Oh she knows it." Arnold said. "I don't think she should tell it, though. You won't be able to sleep tonight; you'll be too grossed out."

Carlos shuddered. Arnold and Phoebe smiled at each other knowingly.

"Good one," Arnold whispered.

* * *

**August 17, 2003  
****Mission State University  
****San Diego, CA**

This time, the plane ride was differently sad. Wanda knew what she was getting into by leaving her friends. She vowed that this year would be different. First of all, she wasn't going to be all sappy because her friends sang her some Pat Benetar. Second, she had a major with some major hotties in it. It was time for her to find that surfer boyfriend that was integral to her plan. Passing college was working, thankfully. She and Tiffany were roommates again, this time in a sorority house – so acquiring a new set of best friends, check.

All that was missing was her surfer boyfriend husband and then throwing it all in DA's face. Then she'd be golden.

* * *

**September 28, 2003  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

"Goddamn it." Ralphie yelled at the TV in the commons. The Phillies had just finished third place in their division and wouldn't make the playoffs. Again. "Goddamn it." He repeated under his breath.

"At least we finished ahead of the Mets, right?" A female voice asked.

"Yeah," Ralphie turned around. A gorgeous blonde stood behind him. "I'm Ralphie."

"Kim," She sat next to him. "You're from Philadelphia?"

She didn't pronounce the city the way everyone else did – she pronounced it like Ralphie and his friends. "Yeah," he shrugged. "Walkerville."

"Ha! That's not Philly, that's Main Line." She shook her head and laughed.

"My mom's from South Philly." Ralphie argued. He didn't want to be written off as some stuck-up suburbanite. "Where are you from, then?"

"Manayunk. What are you studying?"

* * *

**October 16, 2003  
****University of New Jersey  
****New Brunswick, NJ**

"Why are you so desperate for me to ask her out?" Tim asked. "Is this about DA again?"

"Why do you think everything is about DA?" Carlos argued.

"Because you're not over her – don't lie to me." Tim said. "You think I don't know? You're a terrible liar, Carlos."

"I am not." Carlos wondered why they were roommates again. When they got along well, it was great. When they didn't, it was terrible. "I'm sick of you bitching about how there are no girls in your classes."

"That was last year. Shit got real in my classes, okay? I don't have time for a girlfriend."

"You still have a thing for DA." Carlos said. "Don't act like you're all superior to me because you can't get over some girl who dated you for two months either."

Tim wanted to punch Carlos. It took a lot of energy to keep him from doing so. Instead, he stared coolly at him. "Fuck you, man." He stormed out of the room and went to the library.

* * *

**October 25, 2003  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

Ralphie's phone beeped with a text. He'd been watching the game – he knew exactly who it was and what this was about. _This is a wonderful day._

"What?" Arnold asked.

"The Yankees just lost the World Series." Ralphie laughed. "To the _Marlins_."

"So Phoebe's happy, then?" Arnold smiled. Ralphie's phone started ringing.

"I gotta take this," he said. "It's Kim." He ducked out of the room. He knew Arnold didn't like Kim, which was why they couldn't watch the World Series together. Besides, Kim had a pathological hatred of the Marlins for reasons she didn't entirely understand.

Arnold sighed. He'd been charged with keeping Ralphie from dating, but Kim had baseball and Philadelphia in common with Ralphie, which was apparently all that mattered. When Ralphie came back into the room, Arnold said, "I thought you didn't want to date."

"We're not dating." Ralphie said.

"Bullshit." Arnold laughed.

"You see us going out for malts or to the drive in or whatever?"

"Your 50s notions of dating are hilarious." Arnold laughed. "You're listening to the happy Fleetwood Mac songs over and over. Do you really think 'Hold Me' doesn't have some dark undertone to it?"

"Shut up." Ralphie liked "Hold Me." It sounded happy. "Don't you want me to be happy?"

Arnold took a deep breath. He'd been thinking lately about the girls' varied reactions to DA's theory. Phoebe was the true believer, Keesha was skeptical, Wanda was determined to disprove it, which showed that she believed it on some level, and DA needed it to be right. Arnold hadn't thought about it too much. Why would he think about getting married when he hadn't made it through college yet? Still, there was something to it – something told him that Ralphie pursuing a relationship outside the group wouldn't end well. "Of course I want you to be happy. But the theory…"

"This is about the theory?" Ralphie laughed. "Come on. What better way to test a theory than to try disproving it?"

"Wanda's got you covered there. Besides, I just don't know that you're ready for a relationship." Arnold was throwing every platitude he'd ever heard at Ralphie. Nothing was working.

"That was different." Ralphie explained. "I'm over Keesha now. Everything's fine. I might change my major to biology."

"Why?" Arnold asked.

"To go pre-med."

"You want to go to med school now?" Arnold asked suspiciously.

"Maybe."

"I thought you liked hurting people to make them get better." Arnold was used to having to remind Ralphie about things like why he was becoming a physical therapist or staying away from girls. Their friendship worked best when they remembered things for each other.

"I'd do that as a doctor!" Ralphie said. "That's what surgery is."

"Surgery? How many years of residency is that?" Arnold asked. Ralphie shrugged. "When's your next session with your therapist?"

Ralphie glared at Arnold. "I think I'm done, _mom_."

"This is about Kim, isn't it?" Arnold said. "You can't hide things from me, Ralphie."

"Who said anything about hiding anything?"

Arnold looked at Ralphie. He looked a little nervous. He was definitely seeing Kim and trying to hide it. "You realize you're incredibly easy to read, right?"

"Okay, fine, so I've been…" Ralphie thought for a second. Arnold put a palm up to prompt Ralphie to just spit out what he wanted to say. "… with Kim. And I don't need you to safeguard my virtue or whatever."

"You asked me to keep you from making really stupid decisions, remember? It was your idea." Arnold said. "Your 'virtue' is a lost cause. You've been reading _A Storm of Swords_, haven't you?"

"Anyway, I should go." Ralphie grabbed his coat and ran out the door.

Arnold didn't usually make it a policy to meddle about in others' business. Carlos was better at meddling, anyway. This time was an exception. Ralphie and Arnold had been inseparable since third grade, even though they'd known each other since kindergarten. They were both more willing to admit to being afraid than Tim and Carlos, though Arnold would more easily face his fear than Ralphie. Though Arnold was shorter and leaner than Ralphie, who at his peak football fitness had been some sort of Germanic hulk, Arnold had been in more fights than Ralphie. Ralphie's weapon of choice was his voice, and he had been in more yelling matches than anyone in the group by far. Carlos liked to say that Ralphie was all talk, but that wasn't entirely true either. Ralphie was at least 85% talk – he'd started fights when the other party disrespected something important to him. The only things Arnold had seen Ralphie resort to violence over were the Phillies, his mother, and his friends. Getting involved in the Homecoming GoldenEye Melee of 2001 didn't count – that was mostly Arnold and Tim. Carlos had ducked a punch and accidentally kicked Ralphie, who retaliated. Besides his need to do what was best for Ralphie in the long term, there was just something off about Kim.

Arnold had more important things to think about – a twelve-page philosophy paper, for one, but instead he called Phoebe. She'd give good advice. She didn't answer, so he called Keesha.

"I'm worried about Ralphie." He said.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You know him the best after me."

"And you think I care?"

"I know you do." Arnold said.

* * *

**October 31, 2003  
****Mission State University  
****San Diego, CA**

Wanda was surprised at the creativity of college students to make any costume they could think of sexy. Tiffany was going to the Halloween party as Martha Stewart in a prison jumpsuit. Sexy Martha Stewart wasn't something Wanda would have ever imagined before today. Wanda had wanted to go as Khaleesi, but she didn't feel comfortable letting her freak flag fly with these people. Her sorority sisters loved her, mostly because she was so loveable and weird, but they could never understand.

Not that it made DA right or anything, because it didn't.

Wanda had played it safe as a sexy pirate and went out to party with her new best friends. She was as open as she could be with them, so they would have no reason to suspect that she read epic fantasy that wasn't _Lord of the Rings_, because who was she? Ralphie?

Everything she thought came back to her friends. The theory seemed to be right, even as the group on the east coast were acting all crazy with their dating drama. Nothing Wanda had tried could separate her from them. She'd have to try some more things.

"Yo Tiff, will you get me a beer?" She asked.

"Sure!" Tiffany said. Wanda liked to believe that Tiffany was cool and was getting Wanda a beer even though she turned 20 in six months. She suspected that Tiffany forgot that she wasn't 21 yet. Tiffany had been acting a little more distant, probably because Wanda was weird.

Because no one cared about Wanda like… dammit. Wanda grabbed the beer from Tiffany and took a swig. It was time for her to take her future into her own hands, so she found the sexiest male pirate she could and sauntered up to him.

"Hey there." She said to him. "I'm Wanda."

"Brett." The shirtless pirate replied.

"Do you by any chance surf?" Wanda asked.

"Yeah, actually. Do you?"

"No. I'd love to learn, though. Maybe you could teach me!" Wanda batted her eyelashes.

* * *

**November 28, 2003  
****DA's house  
****Walkerville, PA**

DA hated having a secret. Thanksgiving was terrible. She had to pretend that everything was going well at school, when her advisor had still been pessimistic about her vague plans of chemical genius after graduate school. She'd wanted to work in a research lab not sponsored purely for the reasons of research and discovery, not by some business. Her advisor had told her that was impossible. She could work for the government, maybe, or go into academia. She didn't want to teach, but that was necessary. It was frustrating that her dream apparently didn't exist.

What she told her family was that she had a bright future in chemical research and that next year, she'd be able to take graduate credits. There had to be an organization that fit her desires somewhere. When asked about the lab, she talked instead about her wonderful work study job in the library. She left out the part about sleeping with her supervisor and resigning so he didn't get caught.

"You shelve books?" Evan, her younger sister, asked at breakfast the next morning. The Mauers were nothing without their pancake breakfasts around holidays.

"Yeah. It's great!" DA said enthusiastically. Evan was 14. She wouldn't understand the beauty of the organization of information in the library. "Do you think I could go out with my friends?" She asked after the plates had been cleared.

"Won't they want to spend time with their families?" Mrs. Mauer asked.

"It's not a holiday, Mom."

"We could play Pit," Mr. Mauer suggested.

"Pit?" DA asked.

"Pit." Mr. Mauer nodded.

"Sounds like fun." Evan raised her eyebrows.

"It is. It's a stock trading game. See, we all yell across the table at each other and try to get the other players to trade stocks with us." Mr. Mauer explained.

"So we all sit around the table and you yell at us?" DA asked.

"You do that to us every night." Evan sighed. Jessica, who was even younger than Evan, nodded.

"I'm going to go out with my friends." DA got up and walked out the door.

It was unseasonably warm, so when DA went for a walk through the neighborhood to clear her head, she shouldn't have been surprised that she'd gone further than she thought. She ended up at Carlos's house. When no better option came to mind, she rang the doorbell.

* * *

**December 5, 2003  
****Philadelphia University  
****Philadelphia, PA**

Of course Phoebe was on duty for the weekend before finals week. The veteran RAs had conveniently all been busy, leaving Phoebe and Keesha with enforcing heightened quiet hours. Phoebe's pager had gone off in the middle of her cutting out the door decorations for her floor of freshman girls. It was 10:30 p.m. on reading day. It had to be a noise complaint. She called the front desk. Sure enough – noise. She called Keesha.

"Want to go on rounds?" She said. "I've got a noise complaint in Penn Hall, and we might as well go."

"Okay." Keesha said. "Can we stop by Brad's room when we're done?"

"Why?" Phoebe wondered. She'd go out in the hall and start heading up to Keesha's room if it weren't mandatory quiet hours. It was frowned upon for Resident Advisors to break policy, and Phoebe liked to play by the rules.

"I told him I'd visit…" Keesha said coyly. Keesha, who'd only a year ago considered herself a late bloomer, had hit her stride with dating in college. She had other RAs clamoring to spend time with her. Keesha's newfound boy-craziness somewhat irritated Phoebe. Keesha was sick of the theory and Phoebe being such a believer in it.

If Keesha was honest with herself, she knew that she was jealous of Phoebe's steady, boring relationship with Arnold. Phoebe was going along with her plan, and things were working out fine. The only time Keesha had felt like maybe she had a chance at something like what Phoebe had was with Ralphie, who was now dating that floozy. Keesha had hated Kim since hearing about her. Ralphie had mentioned her in passing before Arnold had said anything, and Keesha knew exactly what would happen. Kim was going to seduce Ralphie and somehow end up hurting him. Keesha couldn't rule out jealousy, but would never admit to it.

Keesha and Phoebe headed over to Penn Hall, where the noise complaint was that the resident's neighbor had been listening to "Shake Ya Tailfeather" on repeat for the last three hours. After knocking produced no results, Keesha called their supervisor, who opened the door to the room to find it unoccupied.

"What kind of jerk puts a song on repeat, then leaves?" Keesha whispered. Phoebe glanced around the room, then her eyes widened.

"It's Janet. Look!" She hissed, pointing at the pictures around the computer.

"You think she left this for you as a trap?" Keesha asked, skeptically. "You've been re-reading those books, haven't you?"

"She hates me. You don't understand how much she hates me." Phoebe pleaded. "It's a trap. I know it!"

"I think you're losing your mind." Keesha tried not to laugh.

* * *

**author's note**:

Obviously the stuff they discuss from _A Song of Ice and Fire_ is from that series.

"The Aristocrats" is probably the dirtiest joke imaginable. Look it up at your own risk.

The exchange the Mauers have about Pit is from the _Freaks and Geeks _episode, "Carded and Discarded."

"Shake Ya Tailfeather" (by Nelly) on repeat is pretty much just 2003.

So… is Ralphie's girlfriend terrible? Will the sexy pirate teach Wanda to surf? Did DA doorbell ditch Carlos? Will Tim come back from the library? Did Arnold get an A on his philosophy paper? Well obviously he did, he's Arnold. Is Janet out to get Phoebe, or is Phoebe just paranoid?

Up next: the rest of sophomore year, an implosion, more drama, and who knows, maybe some people will get together.


	9. sixty-two seconds

**chapter 8: sixty-two seconds**

**December 13, 2003  
****Tim's house  
****Walkerville, PA**

Ralphie decided that he needed to make sure this birthday sucked less, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He wasn't a teenager anymore, after all. At breakfast, he asked his mom to just tell him every embarrassing and terrible thing that she might have saved for future birthdays. As a result, he now knew which song he'd never be able to listen to again without cringing. He also knew, somewhat infuriatingly, exactly which ways he took after his father. But it was out of the way, and now his birthday could only go up from there.

Ralphie went to Tim's house to hang out with his friends. Kim was in Philly with her family, which had sucked at first. Ralphie and Kim had been inseparable for the last few months. She understood him in ways few people did, and she encouraged him to dream big. Unfortunately, his friends decided to take the opportunity to tell him exactly what they thought of her at Tim's house.

"You know I don't like her." Keesha said. "She's a shady bitch, and I don't know what she's up to yet, but I bet it's no good."

"Keesha," Phoebe urged quietly. She didn't think Ralphie and Kim would work out either, but she hated to get in the way of anyone's short-term happiness.

"So she likes your baseball team." Tim wondered. "And that's pretty much all you need?" Ralphie glared at him.

"I'm not easy, if that's what you're implying." He snapped. "I don't understand why you're interrogating me over this. Why are you so invested in my life?"

"Because we're your friends, loser." Carlos said. "You guys have met her - what do you think?"

"I think..." DA started, then looked at Arnold. She was trying to be diplomatic.

"Something's up with her." Arnold said. "You didn't want to go to med school until you started hanging out with her."

"Is it really so weird that I might want to be a doctor?" Ralphie demanded. "My mom's a doctor. I know the field better than half of the med school applicants." He remembered something Kim had said. "You don't think I'm smart enough, do you?"

"What!?" Arnold was aghast. "Ralphie, when have I ever called you stupid?"

Ralphie pointed at Carlos. "You're always saying I'm smarter than I look, like it's some kind of surprise."

"Carlos looks dumb too," Wanda offered. Tim stifled laughter.

"We know you're not stupid, okay." Keesha took a deep breath. "Look, something about her doesn't sit well with me. I'm a good judge of character."

"It's a gift." Phoebe said.

"I have a gift." Keesha reiterated, her arm out to Phoebe to reinforce her point. Ralphie wondered why he didn't get as good of a gift. When would amazing falsetto come into play? "She's sketchy. She makes backhanded comments about us being from the suburbs."

"We're on the Main Line." Ralphie defended her. He almost wished Kim was here to defend herself. She wouldn't take this shit, and he shouldn't take it either. "Look, Keesha, you lost whatever right you had to telling me what to do with my love life, okay? It's gone. You're going to have to accept that."

"Fine!" Keesha snapped. "But when you end up hurt and depressed, just remember that I was right."

"Seriously, though, Ralphie." Arnold said softly. "She doesn't like when you talk to Keesha. Or Phoebe, or DA."

"Wait, what about me?" Wanda asked. She hated being left out.

"She doesn't care." Arnold said.

Phoebe was flabbergasted. "Why doesn't she like me? She's never met me!"

"Baseball." Ralphie admitted. "She doesn't particularly like me calling you after the Phils beat your team..."

"Well neither do I," Phoebe tried to joke, but it fell flat. "Never mind." She mumbled.

"And DA's gorgeous and blonde and there." Arnold said. DA smiled at the compliment. Phoebe felt a twinge of jealousy at the way Arnold looked at DA.

"I have to hide from her." She explained.

"Wait – here's an important question. Why the hell are we having an intervention?! On my birthday!?" Ralphie yelled. "Couldn't this wait until tomorrow?"

"Why doesn't she hate me? She hates everyone else." Wanda pouted.

"Think of it this way," Arnold started. He had a talent with handling Wanda. "You're her favorite."

"Ooh, I like that." Wanda nodded.

"I think we're missing the point that my birthday isn't supposed to suck," Ralphie said. He didn't know why he didn't just leave. It was cold outside, but he could walk home. _I'm an athlete_, he thought. _I could run home if I wanted to_. "Look, I'm an adult. I'm older than most of you,"

"Barely." Tim pointed out. "And Carlos and DA are older than you."

"Thanks for the clarification," Ralphie glared at Tim. "Like I was saying, I'm an adult and I'm going to do what I want, alright?"

"Entitled suburban attitude," Carlos whispered to Tim, who laughed.

"WHAT?!" Ralphie demanded. "Stop laughing at me! I hate you guys sometimes. And I don't have to take your shit. Especially not yours." He pointed at Keesha. "You're just jealous, and you have absolutely no business telling me who I should date."

Keesha was speechless. Ralphie wasn't usually as prone to dramatics as Carlos or Arnold. She feared he'd finally snapped.

"I'm going to go home and have cake with my mom, who will probably reveal some other disgusting relic from my past." He stormed out.

* * *

**later that night…**

Phoebe gave Wanda a ride home. Wanda was staring out the window. The intervention for Ralphie had made her think hard about her friends.

"You've seemed awfully distant lately." Phoebe started.

"What do you mean by lately?"

"Since summer."

"Nice of you to say something now."

Phoebe felt her shoulders drop in defeat. "I've had some stuff going on, okay?"

"Stuff that's more important than me." Wanda shrugged. "It's a good thing I went to California where you could all forget about me."

"I did not forget about you!" Phoebe argued. She was sick of the drama. Maybe Ralphie was right and they should never do anything on his birthday. It could be a state holiday where nobody left their homes.

"You and Keesha have your little RA club thing, Tim and Carlos have this love-hate bromance, Arnold and Ralphie have the same codependent thing they've always had, DA probably banged a grad student or something,"

"Wait - what?" Phoebe asked.

"DA's been acting super weird." Wanda shrugged. "She isn't working in the lab, like a normal chemistry major would. She's not dating anyone, just making googly eyes at pretty much every guy there is."

"She's focusing on her studies." Phoebe explained. "She would've told us if she had a boyfriend."

"I didn't say boyfriend, I said hookup." Wanda wondered how Phoebe got so thick. "I know post-hookup shame when I see it."

"Not DA!" Phoebe gasped. "Did she tell you?"

"No. I can read people. I have a gift." Wanda said.

"You know that's not your gift." Phoebe said. "That's Keesha's gift."

"Well Keesha's gift is apparently making Ralphie incredibly angry to the point of walking home in the freezing cold." Wanda shrugged.

"Because she can read people."

"Ralphie doesn't count. He's like reading a picture book." Wanda shrugged again. "Maybe I should be a psych major, not Keesha."

Phoebe hated all the tension and anger; the secrets and the yelling. She wanted things to be simple, like they were in - well, she couldn't think of a time where things had actually been simple. Even in elementary school, there was that whole magic field trips thing, or how Arnold felt about Wanda threatening him if he wouldn't be her boyfriend that week, or Keesha saying something blunt about Tim's artwork, or Carlos the overly sensitive Eagles fan… She wanted things to be simple like they would be when they were all married and living happily ever after.

"Look, you have fun with Keesha and whatever the hell you have going on. Invite me if you feel like it, as usual." Wanda said. "I'll just continue antagonizing DA."

"Wanda." Phoebe said sadly. She knew Wanda had a point. Phoebe had been absorbed in Keesha's rotating boyfriend list and her own relationship with Arnold. Arnold had been very affected by Ralphie's new girlfriend, and he was getting distant. He was trying to be supportive of Ralphie, but the theory doomed that relationship to failure. Phoebe couldn't help but think that things were slipping out of control and there was nothing she could do. The thought of it made her want to cry.

"You know I'm right." Wanda said to the window.

"Yes." Phoebe's eyes welled up. "I just - I'm afraid it won't work out, Wanda."

"Go on." Wanda said after a moment of quiet.

"Keesha keeps dating these guys that aren't in the group - so what if the theory is wrong? What if Arnold and I don't get married? What if I don't get into Franklin?" The tears and the words were coming faster now. "What if Ralphie's girlfriend drives us all apart – but it's worse than that. What if it's not her, it's _us_? What if we won't stay friends and it's just this that's breaking us all up?"

Wanda looked over at Phoebe. Phoebe was nothing if not entirely earnest. Her fears terrified her. Wanda had no idea what to do with this breakdown, but she was angry that it had taken sensitive Phoebe so long to consider what Wanda felt.

"What does my life even look like without all of you?" Phoebe asked.

"California." Wanda said coolly.

* * *

**December 30, 2003  
****Carlos's house  
****Walkerville, PA**

DA wished she could say she had no idea what she was doing here. She'd told Carlos everything about Troy. It seemed like a crazy idea to tell Carlos any secrets because he had a tendency to want to tell everyone things they weren't supposed to know yet, usually by changing his screen name. But DA knew she could rely on his undying affection for her to keep it secret. Unburdening herself had freed her in a way she hadn't anticipated.

Carlos's little brother, Mikey, answered the door. Mikey was a senior in high school and looked at DA like she was some sort of voluptuous unicorn.

"Is Carlos here?" DA asked.

"Yeah," Mikey looked crestfallen, and moved out of her way.

"Want to get a McFlurry at the McDonald's?" Carlos asked.

"Sure." DA shrugged.

This was the first time DA had ever seen Carlos take the beat up car not-so-affectionately called the Ramonster out on the road alone. She'd seen Mr. Ramon teaching Carlos how to drive it, but Carlos would only drive it if he was desperate. They ate their McFlurries at the McDonald's and ended up talking for hours, garnering dirty looks from the employees.

"Want to get out of here?" Carlos asked.

"Where'd we go?" DA wondered as they walked out to the car.

"Does it matter?"

"Actually, it does." DA looked at him.

Carlos thought a moment as he and DA sat in the Ramonster. This was his chance, and he couldn't blow it. Everything was at stake here, and he was entirely sure both sets of their parents were home, plus Mikey, who would stare at DA like she was a piece of meat. It would be difficult to sneak into Tim's house, even though there were several rooms in the basement that would be easy to hide in. If only it were -

"Wait, Tim's having the New Year's Eve party tomorrow night." Carlos said. "We can, uh, hang out more then."

DA scrunched up her mouth in thought, then decided to stop thinking. She was sick of over-thinking things. She grabbed Carlos and kissed him hard. They only broke apart to move to the backseat.

* * *

**January 10, 2004  
****Outside Phoebe's house  
****Walkerville, PA**

It was 13 degrees outside and Arnold refused to come in. That should have been the first warning sign to Phoebe, who had a talent for refusing to recognize that terrible things were happening right in front of her, even as Arnold said things she never thought he'd say.

"I just think we made a big decision way too early," Arnold continued, fidgeting with his jacket. It wasn't like him to be this nervous. Phoebe looked shell shocked. The reality of the situation slowly dawned on her, and it was like stepping into a parallel universe. Ten minutes ago, everything had been working out well, as far as she was concerned.

"It's not like we're getting married tomorrow."

"I know." Arnold looked around. "I just – I don't think it's good for this to be so serious. Phoebe, we're 19."

"I thought everything was fine," Phoebe sniffled. "I thought we were okay. We don't fight or –"

"It just feels like habit, you know? We're taking it for granted." Arnold was shaking from a combination of nerves, emotion, and the bitter cold. "You deserve better than that." Phoebe shook her head violently.

"This isn't supposed to happen." She said. If she could only go back and fix whatever she'd done, she'd do it.

"Look, maybe… maybe we can try again later." Arnold conceded. He hated seeing Phoebe this hurt. He knew it would be better to be firm, but he couldn't resist caving a little.

"I can wait."

"No." Arnold sighed. Trying to be nice was a mistake, and he hated that he'd have to be clearer. "I don't want you to wait for something that might not happen."

"It'll happen. It has to." Phoebe said. She had a plan. Everything would be okay if they stuck to the plan.

"You realize that we could be over forever, right?" Arnold had to be clear for his sake as well as hers.

"Maybe we'll get into Franklin, and…"

Arnold shook his head sadly. "I can't believe in that plan anymore, Phoebe. I just – I can't."

"Why?"

He sighed. "Our relationship feels like something we're doing because it's expected. It's something we have to do, because it's the plan." Phoebe didn't argue, she just shook her head. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she didn't cry yet. It was probably better that way. Arnold gritted his teeth. "And Franklin - their law school is so expensive and competitive. I don't want to bother applying. Their tuition is so expensive… it's not worth taking the chance. We'd be apart for four more years. Who knows how we'd change in that time? We'd be total strangers, stuck together with loads of debt."

"I'll make good money as a vet. We'll be okay." Phoebe was shaking harder.

Arnold couldn't handle it anymore. He couldn't stand out on Phoebe's porch, watching her optimistically fixate on the future they'd created for themselves as their relationship was over.

He remembered the moment he knew with certainty that it was over. Wanda's parents hadn't wanted to pick her up from the airport, so Phoebe had driven the gang to do so. Phoebe had dropped her purse and shrieked when Wanda showed up. She'd nearly bowled Wanda over. Wanda had said it was like coming home to an enthusiastic dog, and assigned Phoebe to pick her up from the airport every single time.

If Phoebe was that excited about seeing Wanda, why didn't Arnold feel nearly the same when he saw Phoebe for the first time in months?

"Look," Arnold wished it was different, but it was what it was: "It's over. You deserve someone who's as excited to see you as you are them." He stepped off the porch and headed to his car.

"I already got your birthday present." Phoebe called to him.

"Take it back." Arnold said sadly, then sat in his car and slammed the door.

After he drove away, Phoebe went inside. The shaking was about to turn into sobbing, but she tried to hold it together.

"Are you okay?" Her dad called. He could sense when things weren't right with Phoebe.

"I guess." Phoebe said. She went up to her room and shut the door. It was sinking in: she and Arnold weren't together anymore. Her perfect plan was gone, and she'd stepped into an unknown world. Everything in her room reminded her of Arnold. She gathered up pictures off her dresser and shoved them in a shoebox as she sobbed. As the full weight of what had just happened hit her, she picked up her phone to call Keesha. There was no answer, which meant she moved to the next person on the list.

"Hello?" Her voice waivered the more she tried to keep it steady.

"Phoebe? Are you okay?" DA asked.

"No." Phoebe sobbed. "Arnold just dumped me because apparently we're too serious."

"No!" DA gasped. "I'm sorry, Pheebs."

"I just don't understand." Phoebe sank down onto the floor. "Who am I going to end up with?"

"I don't know."

"But you have the theory!" Phoebe argued through tears. "You studied this. Tell me who it is – even if it's not Arnold. I have to know. Please."

"I told you –" DA started.

"Please tell me, DA." Phoebe begged. "I can't end up alone! I can't! You have to tell me who it is."

"I don't know."

"Is it Carlos?" Phoebe asked. She had no idea why Carlos popped into her head.

"Um… I don't think so, no." DA said.

"Please think about it, okay?" Phoebe could feel another wave of tears coming on. "Please."

DA paused again, knowing that no amount of rationality would work for Phoebe when she was like this. "Okay."

* * *

**meanwhile, at Carlos's house…**

DA was shaken. "Arnold just dumped Phoebe."

"Really?" Carlos asked. "He finally decided he wanted a girl with boobs, huh?"

"Don't be an asshole, Carlos." DA snapped.

It was at that moment Carlos realized that for the last two weeks, he'd been infatuated with the idea of being with DA. The reality was different. In his head, she loved his jokes, she found him irresistible, and he was more important to her than anything. In reality, they were attracted to each other, but she often found him annoying. He could be insensitive, sure, but there was a better way to deal with it than snapping at him. This wasn't what he thought it would be at all.

"I think you should go." He said coldly.

* * *

**January 11, 2004  
****En route to Philadelphia**

"It's my turn to take you out to ice cream." Keesha said to Phoebe, who was driving them back to school.

"It's frickin' freezing out there, Mr. Bigglesworth." Phoebe couldn't handle original humor yet, so she had to settle for quoting movies. Keesha laughed supportively. At least Phoebe was trying.

"Hot chocolate then? Maybe some coffee?" Keesha shrugged. "Come on, what music should we listen to?"

"You're in shotgun; you pick."

"You just got dumped, honey." Keesha insisted. "You've heard everyone's sad music. What do you want to hear?"

Phoebe sighed. "Remember that time that I had a crush on Brian Weathers, and I finally got up the courage to ask him to Sadie's, and he rejected me pretty loudly in front of everyone?"

"Yeah. That was harsh."

"Carlos was listening to _A Night at the Roxbury_ all that week." Phoebe could feel the tears rise at the memory. "So I know it's happy dance music, but it makes me sad."

"You got it, boss." Keesha put in the CD.

"Go to 'What is Love?' That's a good one." Phoebe said.

* * *

**January 15, 2004  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

Arnold wasn't used to the new routine that involved ignoring Phoebe. He spent more time in the gym and at the pool, which he'd neglected over the last year. It felt good to get back in shape. He also studied a lot more, which was good as he started taking sociology courses. He figured there weren't a whole lot of sociology majors, which would make him competitive for law school. Phoebe hadn't sent him his present, so that was good. Life was weird, and he kind of hated it this way. Phoebe was gone, Kim was always around, and now he was afraid that the breakup of the last surviving couple would screw the group up. It would make things weird for a while, and it was all his fault.

"Studying on your birthday?" Ralphie asked. He was with Kim, as usual. "Let's go out."

Arnold shrugged. "I have a project."

"We've been back at school for two days. Can't you go to a Chili's or something?" Kim urged.

Arnold looked up. Ralphie and Kim were standing with their arms around each other. Being a third wheel sounded terrible. "Chili's is too far away. Go ahead and go without me."

"It's your _birthday_." Ralphie urged. "Come on, my treat."

"I don't want to be a third wheel."

"Don't be stupid." Kim laughed. "You two have read those stupid fantasy books." Arnold wished he could believe that she'd be the third wheel.

"They're not stupid." Arnold argued. "Are they, Ralphie?" He needed to turn his attention back to Ralphie so he'd stop thinking about Phoebe. The books reminded him too much of her.

"No," Ralphie laughed nervously – something he'd done since Arnold had known him. "Hey, maybe DA will come with us."

"Sure," Arnold shrugged. He IMed DA to see if she'd already gone to dinner.

"Does she have to come?" Kim whispered to Ralphie.

"The more, the merrier." Ralphie said brightly, grabbing his Eagles hat. Arnold smiled. Ralphie could be oblivious, and it irked Kim. Arnold felt smug that he still knew Ralphie better than Kim did. She had years of catching up to even get close.

"Oh, so today you're not afraid of getting your ass kicked by the Steelers fans?" Kim asked.

"They're not in the playoffs." Ralphie shrugged. "And we're going with Arnold. He'll fight off the Steelers fans."

Kim shook her head in disbelief before changing the subject. "So Arnold, did Ralphie tell you that he's going to go to med school?"

"No." Arnold looked at Ralphie. "Seriously?"

Ralphie nodded.

"We're looking at schools on the west coast." Kim added.

"We?" Arnold asked Ralphie, who shrugged. "What's wrong with Pennsylvania?" Arnold had a feeling that Ralphie, who was borderline fanatical about all things Philadelphia, was a reluctant part of that "we."

"Yo guys, I'm hungry!" DA barged in.

"Way to knock," Kim remarked.

DA had learned to cope with Kim by not taking anything she said seriously. "So what's for dinner?"

"Thanks for coming," Arnold whispered to DA. "She's the worst. She's the worst person in the world."

"I'm glad I don't work tonight." DA said.

"Where do you work?" Kim asked.

"The library." Before DA could explain any more, Kim interrupted her.

"What are you, some kind of punk-ass book jockey?"

"Exactly." DA said. Arnold made sure Ralphie wasn't looking, then rolled his eyes.

"Well, we should go. Come on," Ralphie put his arm around Kim.

* * *

**February 12, 2004  
****Philadelphia University  
****Philadelphia, PA**

"Yo Rocky, you ready for this program?" Keesha asked.

Phoebe didn't particularly care for being called "Rocky," but she'd made the mistake of telling Keesha that she had "Gonna Fly Now" on her running playlist. Keesha had doubled over with laughter and gasped that Phoebe spent all her time running around Philadelphia in sweats, like Rocky did in the famous training montage. She'd begged Phoebe to run up the steps of the art museum. "Only tourists run up those steps." Phoebe had argued. It was true that Phoebe had upped her running mileage significantly since Arnold dumped her. Fortunately, this meant she could also eat a lot more pizza.

"Why isn't anyone here?" Phoebe asked, fidgeting with her grey hoodie as she looked around at the array of pizza, ice cream, and soda that she and Keesha had arranged for their residents.

"I don't know!" Keesha exclaimed. "We did everything right. We have free food, it's a Thursday, so other things aren't really going on…"

"We had such great flyers." Phoebe lamented.

"The flyers." Keesha gasped and dashed out of the common room.

Phoebe sighed heavily and grabbed a slice of pizza. If everyone was going to leave her, she might as well eat. Keesha ran back in. "They're gone."

"What?"

"All our signs. They vanished."

"It's Janet!" Phoebe sat up straight. "I knew she'd try to undermine us."

"Why would Janet do that?"

"She hates me." Phoebe shrugged. "And I was dating Arnold."

"But now you're not, so you're less fun to torment."

"I don't think so." Phoebe said solemnly. "I think she won't rest until she has total control of Penn Hall. She probably has little birds everywhere."

"And I think you've been reading way too much of those books."

* * *

**February 14, 2004  
****Mission State University  
****San Diego, CA**

This was Wanda's first Valentine's Day with an actual boyfriend, and Brett was pretty fantastic. He'd taught her how to surf, and while it had been incredibly sexy, it turned out that Wanda hated surfing.

"What's this?" He asked, picking up _A Storm of Swords_. "Is this about like a tornado of swords?"

"No," Wanda grabbed it. "It's in this fantasy series I'm reading."

"Fantasy? With wizards and dragons and shit?" Brett asked, confused.

"Yeah." Wanda said. "It's actually pretty awesome. People die."

"I had no idea you were so dorky."

"There's a lot about me you don't know." Wanda raised her eyebrows alluringly.

* * *

**March 7, 2004  
****University of New Jersey  
****New Brunswick, NJ**

"Tell me that's something Arnold's mom wouldn't do." Tim pointed at the TV. "Adopt a kid to look charitable."

"She even looks like Arnold's mom." Carlos looked at the TV.

"This show is hilarious; you've got to watch it." Tim urged Carlos. They'd been getting along a lot better ever since Tim asked out that girl in the engineering department and Carlos had started playing the field after cutting it off with DA. The tension over DA was gone – just like that, she had no power over them anymore. Now they could bond over TV shows. The plotline of the episode of _Arrested Development _about one brother being interested in the other's ex hit a bit close to home, but neither Tim nor Carlos would admit to it.

* * *

**March 21, 2004  
****Carlos's house  
****Walkerville, PA**

An odd group of people were gathering in the Ramons' living room before 7 am on a Sunday. They were all staring at the TV. Tim sat on the couch next to Carlos. Their parents stood behind them. The Ramons had the largest TV of the group, and they'd all decided that it was better to watch the demolition of Veterans Stadium on the news than it was to try to drive to Philadelphia.

"Did we miss it?" Ralphie asked, coming in with his mom.

"No, they're going to start it soon." Mrs. Ramon said. "Would you like coffee?"

"No thanks." Dr. T smiled. Ralphie sat down next to Carlos.

"It's going to make one hell of a dust cloud." Carlos said, staring at his beloved football stadium where his Eagles had played for the last 32 years.

Ralphie nodded solemnly. "I can't believe it's actually coming down."

"Shh!" Mr. Ramon waved his arm. The countdown was beginning. Ralphie and Carlos sat on the edge of the couch. Carlos held his breath as the camera switched to the interior of the stadium. A section of seats suddenly crumbled toward the field, then the section next to it, around in a circle like dominoes. The camera angle switched to a wide view of the whole stadium as it transformed into a huge cloud of dust. People cheered as it came down.

"It's going to be a parking lot." Ralphie said softly. "The place we won our first World Series is going to be a parking lot."

"All the football games I saw…" Carlos added. The building was no more. It had really happened. It all felt so permanent and final. Carlos felt heavy. Sure, he was excited for the new stadium, but he'd been to so many football games at the Vet that it had felt like home to him. This new stadium wasn't home. Not yet.

"I'll take the coffee now," Dr. T said, sounding a little choked up. The weight of the moment was strange to her. She couldn't help but remember bringing Ralphie to his first baseball game at the stadium, back when he was a kid.

Tim was astounded that this building meant so much to these people, and that in just over a minute, it didn't exist anymore, leaving nothing but dust.

* * *

**author's note**: Thanks for reading & reviewing, even when it gets messy and implosion-y, like it does here. Sorry about crushing everyone's dreams in this chapter. Please don't hate me.

**References & stuff I don't own**:

The title – 62 seconds – is how long it took for Veterans Stadium, the former home of the Philadelphia Phillies and the Philadelphia Eagles, to be demolished.

"It's frickin' freezing… Mr. Bigglesworth," is from _Austin Powers_.

"She's the worst. She's the worst person in the world," is from "Bailout," an episode of _Parks and Recreation_, but Arnold didn't sing it, which is a huge shame.

"Punk-ass book jockey" is also from _Parks and Recreation_, this time from "Ron and Tammy."

The Rocky references are pretty obvious.

"She probably has little birds everywhere" is a reference to a character's spy network in _A Song of Ice and Fire_.

Tim and Carlos are watching _Arrested Development_, specifically, the episode titled "Shock and Aww."

With answers come more questions, such as – how many more breakups can there be? Can't people just get together? Did Kim hog all the appetizers? What is love? Is Tim thinking about bees again? How can Dr. T function without coffee before 7 am? Stay tuned.

Up next: a happy start to a chapter, a new face comes to one of the colleges, the gang starts to turn 21, and the party of the century.


	10. cursed no more

**author's note: **thanks for coming back! One of _the _major spoilers for _A Storm of Swords_/_Game of Thrones_ season 3 is in this chapter. The chapter is also majorly long, so have a seat.

* * *

**chapter 9: cursed no more**

**September 2, 2004  
****University of New Jersey  
****New Brunswick, NJ**

There were exactly 25 days of every year that were better than any other days, because Carlos was older than all of his friends. This year was the best since the one where he'd turned 18.

"Well, Tim, I'm going out for a beer. Mind joining me in 8 months and 5 days?"

"Don't you have better things to do than calculate exactly how much older you are than everyone?"

Carlos thought a moment. "Nope." He'd already IMed a similar invitation to everyone else in the group.

**Carlos is 21**: yo, wanna join me for a beer in 7 months and 16 days?  
**Wanda**: I already drink, loser.  
**Carlos is 21**: but I can't get arrested for it.

He turned back to Tim. "Come out with me and watch me drink."

"Nah, I'll stay in. I've got homework to do." Tim shrugged.

"Wait, what happened to what's-her-face?" He asked.

"Stephanie. It just didn't work out." Tim shrugged. "We're too alike."

"Does this mean you're going to get all frustrated and bitchy again?" Carlos asked.

"I'll only be as bitchy as you are sleazy, how about that?"

"As long as you're not a total downer all the time, you can be single. If you start getting mood swings again, I'm bringing you a girlfriend." Carlos insisted.

"I don't think I trust you to choose a girlfriend for me."

"Then you'd better keep your shit together." Carlos grinned. Tim was thoroughly used to Carlos's sense of humor by now – it alternated between terrible puns and longer hypothetical situations. The latter was more of Tim's field of humor. He'd always been observant, and as he'd grown up, he'd taken those observations to new heights of sarcasm. "I'll be back later."

"Don't have too much fun." Tim knew Carlos wouldn't heed the warning and would probably be miserable tomorrow anyway.

* * *

**September 3, 2004  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

Things were going to go well for DA this year. Freshman and sophomore years had been too turbulent. DA was finally able to start taking graduate-level classes. She was throwing herself into her studies and hanging out with Arnold and Ralphie. Well, Kim usually tagged along, but at least DA and Arnold could telepathically communicate their displeasure without Ralphie knowing what was happening. It was the perfect balance – platonic male friendship and hours alone in the lab doing research now that Troy had graduated. Her library job was going well, too. She'd moved up from shelving to actually working on the desk. It would be a good time to do homework. She ignored the stupid sappy songs that were all over the radio. She didn't need a boyfriend. Her boyfriend was called "Masters of Science in Chemistry." After Arnold dumped Phoebe last year, both of their grades had tanked in spring semester. Dating was a liability, and DA finally had everything under control.

"Fancy running into you here." A voice came from behind DA as she made her triumphant return to the chemistry building.

"Mike…y?" DA wondered if Mikey still wanted to be called "Mikey." "What are you doing here?"

"Going to class." He said. "And you can call me whatever you want."

_Good lord._ DA sighed.

* * *

**September 6, 2004  
****Mission State University  
****San Diego, CA**

It was days like this that Wanda didn't miss Philly at all. She was twenty years old, thousands of miles away from her crazy weird parents who'd freak if they saw her drinking a beer on the roof of a sorority house, watching her friends dance to the same three songs that they had been listening to since last spring. Wanda liked dancing, but right now she wanted to look out over the rooftops at people barbecuing. Tomorrow it would be back to class.

Brett was out of town or something. Wanda figured she should probably care more about her boyfriend, since he was her first serious relationship that lasted longer than two weeks. She'd had relationships, but only a few had been serious: first, there was Arnold in middle school. That was serious because it had come from years of longing and arguing and intimidation. Technically, she'd dated Ralphie after Homecoming, but any relationship that came out of that horrid dance was doomed to fail anyway. Besides, it didn't count. She liked to say that anything with Ralphie didn't count, because Ralphie got incredibly defensive when she did. Wanda enjoyed rankling him, and it was far too easy.

Business plans had started out being fun, but they really sucked to do over and over again. Wanda had reluctantly followed her mother's route into journalism, but wanted to do broadcast instead of print articles. She belonged on television. She'd enjoyed discovering the truth about the Walker Lake monster and throwing it in everyone's face – getting paid to do that would be living the dream.

Tiffany was a senior and a genius marketer. Wanda wondered if she could convince Tiffany to seduce Arnold – then she'd have two ways to take down DA's theory. That way, she'd have a backup plan built in. As long as she was right and could throw it in DA's face, she'd be golden. The surfer boyfriend husband and passing college would be icing on the cake.

* * *

**September 27, 2004  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

"If you're going to be a doctor," DA hated saying it, "you're going to have to do really well in organic chemistry."

"I hate this." Ralphie scowled. "Why do I have to take it? It's hard."

"You think this is hard? How are you going to do med school?"

"Shut up; I'm not stupid. Are you going to help me or not?"

"Okay, fine." DA wished Ralphie would just listen to her; she knew him better than Kim did. She looked at Ralphie's lecture notes. "Let's start with orbits and orbitals."

Tutoring Ralphie was surprisingly fun – and it had very little to do with Ralphie. DA found that she liked helping him. It was a welcome change from the isolation and acid spills of the lab. Every time Ralphie understood something, she couldn't help but feel proud that she facilitated it. He asked good questions, too, and that helped her delve deeper into topics she thought she understood. Amazingly, she was learning by teaching.

"Thanks," Ralphie smiled. "Hey, we should go out for your birthday. You could order a drink and make Arnold and me watch you drink it."

DA laughed. "You got it." She'd been so focused on Kim that she'd forgotten how great Ralphie could be on his own.

**later that night…**

DA's first mistake had been ordering a margarita, because she loved it and she'd needed another.

"You weren't supposed to get this drunk. It's a Monday." Arnold tried to hide his amusement.

"These things are delicious!" DA enthused. "You should try one. But you can't!" She laughed maniacally. "You can't because you're not 21 and I'm older than you."

"That's right." Ralphie conceded, looking around at the other people in the restaurant to make sure they didn't care that DA was cackling loudly. "Are they going to cut her off?" He whispered to Arnold, who shrugged.

"Wanda's the one with the good fake ID. She'd know." He whispered back.

"What are you two gossiping about?" DA laughed, waving down the waiter. "Can I get another one? A big one?"

"When's your class tomorrow?" Arnold asked.

"Not until 10. I'll be fine." DA shrugged. "I heard Carlos got super drunk and slept through class the next day. I'm not going to."

"Okay." Ralphie nodded. "You do that."

"Why don't you believe me? I'm always right! It's a gift!"

Arnold wondered why Phoebe had told DA she had a gift for being right. It had opened up several cans of worms. "It's a gift." He acquiesced.

"Guys," DA looked at the bottom of her empty margarita class. "I banged Carlos."

"Yeah, we know." Ralphie reached in his pocket for his phone.

"No, I mean over Christmas break. And he broke up with me. Can you believe that?" She looked up at her friends.

Ralphie looked at his phone and sighed. "It's Kim. I'll be right back." He got up and started walking toward the door of the restaurant. "Yeah?"

DA watched Ralphie walk away and shook her head. "There's nothing else to say about that."

Arnold shrugged because he wasn't entirely sure what she meant.

"Carlos dumped me because I called him an asshole." She said before slurping some of the melted margarita from the glass.

"That sounds about right." Arnold said. "Why'd you guys hook up?"

"Because I told him all my secrets and I felt all vulnerable and besides, he's good looking."

"Your secrets?"

"Well… I slept with Troy. You remember, that grad student freshman year."

"What?" Arnold wondered how DA had kept this from everyone except Carlos so long. He was also surprised that Carlos hadn't told anyone either.

"I didn't want you guys to think I was bad or anything and it was complicated, so I didn't tell. But now it's over and I'm drunk and I don't care." The waiter brought her margarita and a glass of water.

"We don't think you're bad." Arnold snuck a glance at Ralphie, who was pacing outside the restaurant, still on his phone.

"Really?" DA smiled sincerely. "Even though I'm getting drunk on a Monday?"

"When we all go out for my birthday, I'll be right with you. Even if it's on a Monday." Arnold said.

"Thanks, Arnold." DA sipped her margarita. "I was so mad when I hooked up with Troy. I mean, I almost ruined my chances at chemistry."

"I thought you liked astronomy when we were kids. What happened?" Arnold asked.

"You liked rocks," DA retorted.

"You know I had to downsize my collection." Arnold bristled.

"I was giving you a hard time." DA took another sip of her drink. "I still love astronomy, but it's so – you know, far away. I like stuff I can see and do right in front of me. Like this margarita."

Ralphie stormed back in. "Kim's trying to make me move to Texas again."

"I thought she was pushing you to go to California." DA said.

"She didn't realize that California costs at least eleventy billion dollars to live in every year."

"That's not even a real number." Arnold said.

"Yet." Ralphie raised his eyebrows. "Anyway, we gave up on California, and her next thing is Texas for med school. I'd have to apply this year, which means I'd have to have a perfect GPA, which means I have to do better in o chem. It's not fair. No one gets an A in o chem." Ralphie wished he could drink.

"I did." DA shrugged.

"Dude, she's trying to keep you away from us." Arnold said. Everyone knew Kim hated Ralphie talking to any of the girls, and she was jealous that she didn't fully understand Ralphie the way any of the guys did – especially Arnold. Ralphie raised his eyebrows. "What's the number one thing you complain about?"

"Class." Ralphie said.

"Besides class."

"Being hungry."

DA laughed. "He's right, Arnold."

"Not being in Philadelphia." Arnold answered his own question. "There are medical schools in Philly. Then you can have the right food and the right sports teams."

"I know." Ralphie sighed. "She's just stuck on us moving out west."

"She's trying to get you away from us so she can make you her sugar daddy so she can sit on her ass and do nothing for the rest of her life." DA said. "Doctors make way more than physical therapists. Does she want you to be a plastic surgeon or something?"

"I'm not doing boob jobs for a living."

DA liked being drunk, because it made everything her friends said so much funnier. She had a feeling that even the stupid G.I. Joe videos Ralphie and Arnold liked would be funny now. "I'm telling you, she's in it for the money. You're easy to control."

Ralphie tore at the straw paper he'd been fidgeting with.

"You've got to dump her." Arnold said.

"I can't." Ralphie sighed. He was too stubborn to give up on this relationship. He and Kim had something special at first, and he wasn't entirely sure it was gone. Moving away did sound kind of exciting, though moving to a place where everyone liked the Cowboys sounded like a special kind of hell.

"I'll do it for you." Arnold offered.

"Guys, let's not be so down. It's my birthday." DA said.

"To DA." Arnold lifted his water glass. Ralphie and DA followed suit.

* * *

**October 27, 2004  
****Philadelphia University  
****Philadelphia, PA**

Phoebe had chewed her nails as far as she could without hurting herself over the last few days. She was on the edge of her bed, staring at her tiny TV. She'd fallen off a few times. It was the best she could do, as she'd been kicked out of the commons for being too loud after the first game of the World Series. She'd come back from class and changed her jeans into her Red Sox pajama pants for the game. She'd been wearing the same pair of red socks for the team's entire playoff run. She would have worn the same Red Sox shirt if she thought no one would notice, too. She'd settled for wearing her baseball cap to class every day. The moment was finally here, and she heard words she had feared she'd never hear.

"The Boston Red Sox are the world champions!"

Phoebe could hardly believe it. Her scream could be heard all through Penn Hall. She banged on the ceiling to get Keesha to come down. She considered running out in the hall. She had all these pent up feelings that were best expressed by simultaneously running and screaming. She needed to hug someone – anyone. She settled for jumping up and down, flailing her arms around as she screamed unintelligibly, occasionally punctuated by, "THEY DID IT!" Words were insufficient to express her feelings.

She had suspected Keesha would ignore her, because Keesha didn't care about baseball, so she called Ralphie, as tradition dictated. The person whose team won always called the person who was about to be trash talked. It made no sense for the loser to call the winner, only to have failure mercilessly rubbed in.

Ralphie wasn't looking forward to this call; the Phils hadn't even made the playoffs, and the Red Sox had gone all the way as a wildcard. He'd felt somewhat obligated to root for the Cardinals because they played by the correct rules, but he'd also bought into the rising excitement of seeing the 86 year-old curse be broken. Still, he answered. "Congrats."

Phoebe yelled a whole lot of barely intelligible things, the gist of which Ralphie picked out as: "The curse is broken! Whose team is stupid now, Tennelli?!" Baseball conversations usually involved referring to the other party by his or her last name for reasons neither of them understood.

"I'm happy for you." Ralphie said calmly.

"The Cardinals are the Yankees of the Midwest." Phoebe added.

"No they're not. They don't use a designated hitter, which is an insult to baseball."

"Oh come on, Ralphie. People want to see good hitters. Pitchers can't hit their way out of a paper bag."

"If you're a pro, you should be able to play the whole game, not just offense or defense."

"You know what?" Phoebe couldn't believe she was having this old argument when she had the best way to shut it down. "Call me when your team has won a World Series this century."

"That was harsh, Terese."

"It's not my fault your team didn't make the playoffs."

"We'll have our day. Mark my words."

Phoebe sighed happily. "This is the best Christmas present ever."

"It's October."

"Shh. I don't care."

* * *

**October 31, 2004  
****University of New Jersey  
****New Brunswick, NJ**

"This is going to be awesome, like when we dressed up like the Bee Gees in high school." Carlos said as he adjusted his fake moustache. "Put the glasses on."

"You know it's not going to be the same since we're not all together, right?" Tim asked, pulling on the brown suit jacket. He wasn't going to get back into the old argument that there were three Bee Gees, none of whom were black or Latino. Somehow they'd pulled that costume off, and he hoped this would be the same. "Do you think people will even know who we are?"

"Come on. Everyone knows _Anchorman_." Carlos said. His computer made a ringing noise. "They're calling!" He accepted the video call and he and Tim stood in view of the webcam.

"Everyone, come see how good I look!" Arnold called. He'd made himself look as much like Ron Burgundy as he could. His hair was perfect. "Don't act like you're not impressed."

"This was an awesome idea." Ralphie said. "You guys look ridiculous."

"You look weird in that hat. I look awesome." Carlos retorted.

"Loud noises!" Tim interrupted.

"It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good." Carlos said.

"60 percent of the time, it works every time." Ralphie recited.

"You're Champ. Stick to your lines." Carlos argued.

"I love… carpet. I love… desk." Tim said. "I love lamp."

"Do you really love the lamp or are you just saying it because you saw it?" Arnold asked.

"Hey, is DA going to be Veronica Corningstone?" Tim wondered.

"It's anchor_man_, not anchor_lady_. And that's a scientific fact." Ralphie asserted.

"Much better." Carlos thought Ralphie looked ridiculous with the cowboy hat, but Champ's effusive love of Ron fit Ralphie and Arnold better than anyone.

"We make pretty much the best news team ever." Carlos grinned. "I don't think Walkerville could handle all of us at once.

* * *

**November 24, 2004  
****Mission State University  
****San Diego, CA**

"So this is like MySpace, but only for college students?" Wanda asked.

"Yeah. You have friends at other schools, right?" Tiffany knew the answer. She was trying to make Wanda look slightly cooler to the other girls in the house.

"Oh yeah." Wanda said as she entered in her major. "I'm going to add all my friends from back home. You should, too. Remember Arnold?"

"Oh yeah!" Tiffany said. "He was so cute!"

"He's really pretty now. Man-pretty." Wanda explained. Everything was going according to plan. Being far away from her friends meant she had to get used to the long con, but patience could be learned.

"You really think the one thing people should know about you is 'my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,' don't you?" Tiffany laughed.

"Damn right." Wanda said. After uploading a picture and adding pretty much everyone at MSU that was on Facebook, she searched for her friends. Of course Carlos was there and he had a small icon on his profile indicating that he was online.

"You're friends with him too?" Tiffany asked. "Why does his profile say that he was 'born a poor black child' and that he's from Mississippi? What does that even mean?"

"It's probably from a movie." Wanda said as she added Keesha as a friend. "We were all in third grade together. We're still pretty tight."

"That's awesome." Tiffany said. "I've got to go to the airport, remember?"

"Right. Thanksgiving." Wanda sighed. She was staying at school because she could only handle her family's crazy twice a year. "What the hell is a poke?"

"What?" Tiffany asked.

"Why is Carlos poking me? What does this mean?!" Wanda got increasingly agitated the more she thought about it. "How can he poke me from Philly?"

"It's the internet, Wanda." Tiffany sighed. "Will you give me a ride to the airport?"

"One second." Wanda smiled evilly as she went to write on Carlos's wall. He'd just started _A Storm of Swords_, after everyone else was done with it. It was time he got a taste of his own medicine.

_Robb and Lady Stark get killed by that dirty old Frey guy. He locks them in a room and kills them and all their friends. Everyone you ever cared about in that book dies. You're welcome. – Wanda _

Wanda could imagine the rattling wail Carlos was making on the other side of the country, and it amused her.

* * *

**December 8, 2004  
****Philadelphia University  
****Philadelphia, PA**

It had been a long and terrible semester, and Keesha was fed up with it. Phoebe's running gear had gone missing, flyers for her programs had ended up in the freshman boys' hall, and all the furniture for the common rooms in the entire building had ended up in Phoebe's floor's lounge. Keesha hated to admit to being wrong, but when Cory had mentioned that a red-haired girl was seen moving one of the flame-retardant couches into the lounge, Keesha knew exactly what she had to do. She caught Janet in the commons and backed her up against a wall.

"Look, Janet." Keesha said sternly. "I know what you've been doing."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Janet was literally backed against a wall, a position she hated to be in. Keesha wasn't physically intimidating, but definitely loud.

"You've been harassing Phoebe for years. You spoiled _Lost_."

"I just mentioned that Ethan wasn't on the plane." Janet shrugged. "And Phoebe happened to be there. It's not my fault she hadn't seen the latest episode."

"You knew she hadn't seen it. Why do you try to ruin everything? It's not like Phoebe's dating Arnold anymore."

"You know how easy she is to mess with?" Janet laughed.

"Stop it." Keesha said firmly.

"Why are you doing her dirty work?"

"Because Phoebe's too nice to corner you and threaten violence." Keesha raised an eyebrow.

"Want me to start messing with your boyfriend instead?" Janet narrowed her eyes. "I can do a whole different realm of things to him. What's his name again? Cory?"

"Don't even threaten it." Keesha clenched her teeth.

"I'm warning you not to cross me. Whoever is messing with Phoebe is doing harmless things."

"You're going to drive her crazy."

"She's driving herself crazy." Janet grinned. "Back off or I go after the boy."

* * *

**December 13, 2004  
****Carnegie State University  
****Pittsburgh, PA**

"This o chem final is going to kill me." Ralphie whined. When he'd thought of his 21st birthday, the hardest final in his life isn't what he'd dreamed of.

"You'll do fine." DA said.

"Not med school fine. I have to ace this if I'm going to get an A and keep my 4.0."

"Why do you want to go to med school, anyway?" Arnold asked.

"I don't know anymore." Ralphie said. He looked around and lowered his voice. "Look, maybe it's good that I'm not getting an A in o chem."

"Why?" Arnold asked.

"I've been thinking. Med school is four years, then there's the residency – that's at least four more years. I'd be 30 by the time I could even see you guys again."

"You could see us." DA tried.

"Too busy. My mom told me she didn't have time for anything in med school. She missed her friends' weddings and stuff. She never slept. She isn't friends with anyone she didn't go to med school with." The door flew open and Kim came in.

"I thought you were meeting me at the Union before your test." She ignored Arnold and DA.

"I wanted to talk to my friends. I'm not going to get an A in o chem."

"Then you can retake it. Don't you want to get into a decent med school?"

"I don't want to go to med school. I can't give up ten years of my life –"

"Stop being so selfish!" Kim yelled. "You'd give up ten years of your life to save other people's lives."

"I don't want to go into huge amounts of debt and give up my twenties for something I'm not sure about!" Ralphie yelled. "You're the one who had this bright idea that I should be a doctor and move away from everyone. Maybe I have my own ideas about how to live my life. Maybe I want to live in Philly."

"You've got to move away from home sometime." Kim said.

"I'm in Pittsburgh right now. This isn't home."

"You're only here because your mom made you."

"So moving somewhere my girlfriend makes me is fine?" Ralphie argued. Arnold wondered if he had any popcorn.

"That's different and you know it." Kim retorted. "You're going to have to cut the umbilical cord some day."

"Do you think we should leave?" DA whispered to Arnold, who shrugged. Ralphie was absolutely furious.

"You're just jealous because my mom actually cares about me."

"Your mom is a bitch."

He was angry enough that the only retort he could think of was from _Anchorman_. "MY MOM IS A SAINT." He screamed. "Get out of here. We're done."

"Fine, whatever!" Kim put her hands up. "I'm sorry I insulted your mom, okay?"

Ralphie knew she wasn't sorry. "I said we're done. Leave."

"You'll be back." Kim shook her head.

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Asshole." Kim slammed the door.

DA cleared her throat. "Your final." She said to Ralphie.

He took a deep breath. "Another fantastic birthday."

"I think this one was better than the last few." Arnold pointed out.

"We'll see how this goes." Ralphie picked up his backpack.

"Breathe, Ralphie. You'll do just fine. You know this." DA encouraged.

"And once you're done, I can watch you drink." Arnold offered. "I did it for DA."

"Thanks, guys." Ralphie smiled and left.

* * *

**December 31, 2004  
****Tim's house  
****Walkerville, PA**

This year had been insane, but it was about to end like all the others – at the New Years' Eve party in Tim's basement. Wanda had insisted on bringing alcohol, since "most of us are 21 anyway."

"You're not 21 until April." Arnold said.

"You know what adults do at New Years' Eve parties? They drink. And we're adults now." Wanda handed him a beer. "Sorry I didn't bring any margarita mix."

DA groaned. "I'm never having tequila again."

"But I invited some friends." Wanda said. Finally, the result of her scheming would come to fruition. She decided that the drama of the last year had to build up to a point, and she wasn't going to have that point be Ralphie dumping his terrible girlfriend in front of Arnold and DA. She needed to witness the pinnacle of drama, so it had to be tonight.

"Who? Wanda, why are you inviting people to my house?" Tim sighed.

"To see what happens." Wanda smirked. "Besides, they're people you know. Like Tiffany."

"Hey losers." Janet appeared at the door from the stairs.

"What is she doing here?" Keesha demanded.

"Isn't she the girl that was stealing the furniture?" Cory asked her. "How'd she get invited here?"

"She's my cousin." Arnold sighed. This party was going to be interesting. He hated Wanda messing with things like this. Wanda tapped her fingers together in that scheming supervillain gesture she did.

"Wanda found me on Facebook and told me about this party." Janet shrugged. "I figured it might be worth crashing. You're all as ugly as I remember."

"You really should have a better personality to make up for your face." Carlos retorted. Janet looked taken aback, and took a minute to think of a retort.

Tim had to process this. All his friends were here, plus Keesha's boyfriend, who was out of his element. He hadn't realized how deeply weird the group's dynamic was. Janet had shown up, and Tiffany was on her way. It was chaotic with everyone around, and Ralphie had found the karaoke machine.

"If I'd known this was a 'bring everyone you know' deal, I would've invited Mike to watch him hit on DA." Carlos whispered to Tim. "You know what? Maybe I will. Oh look, I still have Harry Arm's number…"

"Ralphie, you need to stay away from the karaoke machine." DA insisted, unplugging the machine before he could sing too much.

"But I wasn't to the good part yet." Ralphie pouted.

"The part where you sing about being a butterfly?" Arnold asked.

"Shut up. Let's play Halo."

**later that night…**

Tim was simultaneously flattered that so many people would come to a party at his house and alarmed at how bizarre the addition of people on the periphery of the group made things. He supposed he'd somewhat bought into DA's theory, especially after Stephanie hadn't worked out. It hadn't taken much alcohol for everyone to loosen up. Ralphie and Arnold were playing Halo 2 and both sucked about equally at it, especially because they were both drunk. Keesha and DA were heckling them, while Tiffany was trying to join them to be close to Arnold. Carlos was putting the moves on Janet, interestingly enough, and Wanda was flirting with Harry Arm, who was on a football scholarship to Quaker State. Mike was trying to muster up the courage to tell DA how he felt.

"This is nuts." Phoebe said, sipping her orange soda and watching Arnold's character run into walls.

"I don't know why I don't kick them off the TV so we can watch _Anchorman_ or something." Tim mused.

"They're too bad at it. It's fun to watch." Phoebe said.

"Don't let Arnold hear you say he's bad. That's how the Homecoming fight started." Tim smiled.

"Yeah." Phoebe sighed. "High school was fun." It had been almost a year since she and Arnold had broken up, and she'd felt a whole range of feelings from anger to sadness, but now she just felt hollow.

"You've had kind of a hard year, right?" Tim asked.

"Yeah. It's mostly Perlstein-related." Phoebe smiled. She was glad that she could count on Tim to be so considerate. "Why aren't you drinking?"

Tim shrugged. "Why aren't you?"

"I'm not 21."

"Well, neither am I." Tim couldn't help noticing that he had started to like Phoebe. She was just so – nice. He was used to being around Carlos and sarcastic Stephanie.

"It's 11:50, guys," DA announced. "Stop sucking at Halo so we can watch the ball drop."

Carlos stifled a giggle, and he and Janet exchanged a look.

"Don't you even dare to say something lewd." DA stared at him. She considered her options for midnight. Mike adored her, something she'd never had before. She sat next to him on the couch. She hadn't made good choices in men by picking the ones she liked. Maybe she'd have better luck by choosing guys that liked her. "Hey."

"Enjoying yourself?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's kind of nice to have people besides our little group here, you know?"

"I'm glad I got invited. You know I've had a crush on you for years, right?"

"I know." DA smiled. Mike was 19. She remembered how young and stupid she'd been at that age. "Do you like me or just the idea of being with me?"

"Both." Mike said sincerely.

"Dude, your friends are weird." Cory hissed to Keesha. "Why are you so close again?"

"We all went to elementary school together." Keesha explained. "It's hard to explain."

"Some of your friends are jerks." Cory looked at Carlos.

"He's not so bad." Keesha shrugged. "You just have to learn how to deal with him. Throwing things works." She tossed an empty red cup at his head.

"What's that for?" Carlos demanded.

"Watch yourself," Keesha's eyes darted to Janet.

"Come on, Keesha," Janet smirked. "You're just jealous."

Keesha laughed so hard she fell off the couch. Ralphie took his spot next to Cory.

"Um. Hi." Cory said.

"Being single is the best thing that's ever happened to me. EVER." Ralphie enthused, spreading out as far as he could. "I feel so free."

"Okay." Cory stood up so Ralphie could have the whole couch to himself.

"You're plastered, Ralphie." Arnold remarked before turning to Tiffany. "Are you moving back to Philly once you're done?"

"Maybe," she smiled coyly. "I hope to move to New York. You're going to law school?"

"Yeah, I've sent out applications. Now to play the waiting game."

"Maybe we'll end up by each other." Tiffany said, twisting a strand of her short hair. Arnold was indeed a lot better looking than he'd been in high school. Wanda had undersold him, if anything. "Wouldn't that be great?"

"It would," Arnold said. He hadn't felt butterflies like this for a girl in a long time. It felt good to feel giddy again.

Wanda was sitting in Harry's lap in one of the recliners. "I won't get picked in the draft," Harry sighed. "We're not going to a bowl game or anything."

"That sucks," Wanda leaned her head against him. As long as she didn't kiss him, she wasn't cheating on Brett. Of course, she hadn't mentioned Brett to Harry, either. Her plan had been to create drama in everyone else's lives, not her own. She hated it when her plans backfired, which happened quite a bit, if she was honest.

"It's okay. I'm going to be a gym teacher. Remember Mr. Sinew?"

"Yes!" Wanda laughed. "He ruined all those shirts."

"He was the best teacher I ever had. I want to make a difference like that." Harry didn't usually admit all this stuff to people, but he had a feeling Wanda would understand.

"That's awesome. I'm going to be on TV." Wanda liked Harry, probably more than she liked Brett. This was a problem.

"This is absolutely crazy." Tim looked around the room.

"Who would have thought that alcohol and a few new faces would mean everyone would hook up?" Phoebe asked.

"That actually sounds really predictable."

"I was being funny." Phoebe took a sip of her soda again. She sucked at being funny. Tim laughed. A delayed reaction was better than no reaction. Despite the general craziness that came with cramming thirteen people in his basement and giving them alcohol, people seemed happy. This year had been difficult, and now everyone was relaxing. Phoebe noticed that she and Tim were pretty much the only sober people – Keesha wasn't 21 either, but she was "close enough," and was drunkenly explaining something to Cory.

In the final minutes of 2004, it was easy to believe that everything bad was behind them. Their high school relationships had each dissolved, and judging by the couples cozying up to each other, a new era was about to begin. Carlos and Janet hadn't waited until midnight to start making out, and DA looked like she was finally going to let Mike kiss her.

"I hope this doesn't mean Janet will come over all the time." Tim remarked to Phoebe.

"She's the worst." Phoebe sighed. "But if she's with Carlos, she might leave me alone."

Cory had a bad feeling about Keesha and her friends. Sure, Keesha was awesome, but her group of friends seemed impermeable. He was the only one there who hadn't gone to Walker Elementary, and he never thought he'd feel like he went to the wrong elementary school.

Arnold couldn't believe that Tiffany was so into him. She'd grown her hair out in high school, but cut it short again in college, so she looked like an older version of the girl he'd been obsessed with in elementary school. Plus, she was graduating in a few months and moving back east. This could totally work. Tiffany chose to ignore that Wanda was apparently acquiring herself a new lover, and focused on Arnold, who was a lot more muscular than she'd expected for someone so lean. Finally, at midnight, they kissed. It was exciting and romantic and had only taken a little bit of alcohol for it to happen. Arnold felt slightly guilty that he was relieved – there was life after Phoebe.

"I think this is at least double the previous record of people making out in my basement." Tim remarked.

"Happy New Year." Phoebe sighed.

"What's wrong?" Tim asked.

"I just didn't think I'd end this year single."

"Do you have to?" Tim asked. They stared at each other for a moment before Tim leaned in and kissed her. Phoebe was surprised, but set her soda down. She and Tim had always gotten along. She'd come in to this party an anxious wreck, especially when she'd heard Janet would be there. Tim had a gift for defusing situations. It could work. Besides, he'd been so nice to her. The longer they kissed, the more sense this made.

Everything was going to be okay. She wasn't going to be alone, after all.

Ralphie didn't care that everyone was making out around him. As long as they weren't making out on him, he was fine. He wondered for a second where Kim was, before remembering that he really didn't care. Being single was the best.

* * *

**author's note**: hooray for writing ships I haven't written before!

**References & things I don't own:** title comes from the Curse of the Bambino, or Boston's trading Babe Ruth to the Yankees, which is why they supposedly weren't able to win a World Series.

The guys dressing up as characters from _Anchorman _comes with liberal amounts of _Anchorman_ quotes.

"eleventy billion dollars" … "That's not even a real number." … "Yet" is from the Celebrity Jeopardy sketch on _Saturday Night Live _from 4/15/2000.

The G.I. Joe videos are the parodies done by Fenslerfilm, which, again - not mine.

I most definitely don't own anything related to the World Series or Major League Baseball.

Facebook hit the colleges the gang's schools are based on in November 2004. I don't own any part of it.

There's a reference to "Milkshake" by Kelis in there. Three guesses as to where it is.

Carlos's "About Me" is "I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi..." This is from _The Jerk_.

The events Wanda recounts to Carlos's wall are the events of the Red Wedding in _A Storm of Swords_.

"My mom is a saint!" is, of course, based on "Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!" which is another line from _Anchorman_.

I still don't own _Lost_.

The song where Ralphie sings about being a butterfly is "Someone Saved My Life Tonight," by Elton John.

Mr. Sinew appears in _Works Out_.

* * *

Can we just call him Mike from now on? When will Ralphie start going by Ralph? What three songs were Wanda's friends dancing to? What colors end in "urple"? Who put the question mark in the teleprompter? Will Carlos stop poking Wanda? Did Ralphie's rage fuel him to ace his final after all? Will Carlos buy Janet the extra best thermos that he can buy? Will the gang be sober in the next chapter? Will Brett and Harry have a duel over Wanda? Will the rest of the fic be nothing but _Anchorman_ quotes?

Up next: The after effects of the party, the rest of the gang turns 21, they start thinking about what happens after college, we find out what song is Wanda's jam, and Carlos continues spoiling everything.


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